Mad Love: An Austin Rivers Love Story

Chapter 11

                      Mad Forgiveness

                      AUSTIN'S P.O.V.

I felt really bad for how things went down between me and Dez.  I feel even more stupid for even allowing Diamond back in my life. I wasn't sleeping with Diamond but in moments of weakness, I did consider it but I never told Diamond I was considering it. I fought the temptation and I overcame it. I still didn't understand why Dez was so upset. She let Diamond get to her head. Maybe I should be upset with her for not trusting me. NO! Snap out of it Austin! This is your fault! I guess she was upset because I shared very personal information of our relationship with my ex. Dez is too loyal for that. I really screwed this up. She would never tell Julia anything about our relationship. To be quite honest, I'm not even sure Julia knows that Dez's is dating a guy!

I decided to go to my boy Blake's house and talk to him. See if I could get some honest advice, man to man about this issue with Dez. I couldn't sleep all night. I was so fucking frustrated with myself. I tried calling her several times. No answer. I left like a gazillion messages. Still no response.

I pulled up to Blake's crib. I told him I needed to talk so he was expecting me.

"Rivers!" he said with that same old grin.

"What's up man?" I replied with a smirk. I was really hurting inside but no man likes to show that he's hurt. Especially not to another man.

"You said you needed to talk man. What's up? Spill the beans"

I hesitated. I felt kind of corny asking another man for relationship advice. As far as I know, Blake might not even be helpful. I don't think he's dating anyone. What could he possibly know? Whatever advice he could give, I was going to listen, at least. I didn't drive to his house for nothing.

"It's about Dez..."

Blake's eyes got big real quick. "You fucking got her pregnant didn't you!? DIDN'T YOU? Blake screamed.

"What!? Dude no! That's the thing. Dez and I never had sex."

Blake exhaled with relief. "Oh okay. So what's the problem?" he asked.

"The problem is. We've been dating for a little over a month and we haven't had sex. PERIOD! Diamond con-"

"Wait. Diamond your ex!? Blake asked, cutting me off.

"Yes Diamond my ex."

Blake rolled his eyes but I just continued with my dilemma before he started giving any advice.

"Diamond contacted me a few weeks ago. She keeps trying to hook back up with me. She keeps reminding me of our past sex life and I might've let it slip that Dez and I haven't done anything yet."

"You might've let it slip?" Blake asked. I nodded knowing good and well that I told Diamond.

"Rivers. Let me start off by saying how much of an IDIOT you are! Everyone knows there are certain things you don't tell exes. Like where you live, what new car you drive and uhhhh...oh yeah! ANY PROBLEMS IN YOUR CURRENT RELATIONSHIP! That shit is off limits bro!"

Even Blake admitted what I did was foul. How could I recover from this?

"Alright man, I get it ." I replied angrily.

"So let me guess. Dez left you..."

"She didn't leave me. Not officially anyway but we got into our first argument. An argument that I would never have picked for our first argument."

We both paused. "Look I called her light twenty times today. I've left countless voice mails. No response. Should she be this mad?"

"Can you blame her? Look Rivers all I know is that Dez is one of those girls you hold on to. She's nothing like these groupies we come across every game. I can tell she's with you for you and not because you're a multi-millionaire or a NBA basketball player. She's one of those girls that actually gives a fuck. Now Diamond, on the other hand, is bad news Rivers. She'll throw you under the bus the first chance she gets. Girls like her, all they want is dick and I'm sorry to tell you this but I know at least a dozen of other players she's played for if you know what I mean....."

"What should I do?" I asked desperately.

Blake was looking at me like he wanted to kick my ass for messing things up so bad with Dez.

"Look no relationship is the same. I can give you advice all day but there's no guarantee you guys will work things out. Just tell her how you feel though. You obviously love this girl or you wouldn't be here asking for my opinion."

I was starting to see how talking to Blake was actually beneficial.

"Go get your girl Rivers and DON'T fuck shit up this time!"

I was real happy I took the time out to go to Blake's place. He really help set me straight. I was calling Dez non stop since I left and I wanted to make things up to her. Still no response. I decided to go by her place. When I got there her car was gone so I asked a neighbor where she was.

Dez's neighbor said she was at a friends house. I called Amy. It wasn't her. It wasn't Whitney either because I heard her in the background when I called Amy.

I was roaming the streets of LA for about two hours looking for my girl and I couldn't find her or get in touch with anyone who had seen her. I decided to call it a night and go home. I pulled up into my drive-thru and there she was and she wasn't smiling.

I hated that I was the cause of her unhappiness. I got out of my car as fast as I could.

I stood over her and I just wanted to hug and squeeze her and never let her go.

"I've been looking all over the city for you. Can we please talk?"

She gave me a look that suggested she was still upset.

"Well that's why I'm here...so we can talk. Unless you want to talk to someone else."

I deserved that.

I opened my door and we both walked inside. I didn't waste any time. I took Dez by her hand and we both sat on the couch.

"Look Dez. I don't even know where to begin. I really screwed things up and I'm acknowledging that. I take full responsibility. I should have never allowed Diamond to come back into my life. I didn't sleep with her and I should have never told her anything about our relationship. I'm sorry. Please give me another chance to make things right. We haven't spoken in almost a whole day and I am fucking miserable."

At this point I was pouring my heart out to Dez, which reminded me just how much I love her. She gave me a soft look before she spoke.

"Austin...I understand there are things you want. But I can't accept your apology...at least, not until you accept my apology."

I gave her this confused look. What did she need to apologize for. Especially since I took full responsibility.

"I know that you've been trying to sleep with me but the truth is I have been avoiding sex on purpose. There are three separate reasons and you deserve to know why. First reason is because I didn't think we would last. I figured our relationship would be over before it ever got that far. Secondly, I was kind of confused as to whether or not I still like women."

I had to cut Dez off. "Dez I understand all of these things. You don't have to apologize to me. Babe, I take the full blame."

"Thirdly...she started cutting me off. She hesitated a little bit. "This is all new to me Austin. I've never done this before with a guy."

"Dezi, baby. I understand I'm the first guy you've ever dated." We-

"NO! You don't understand Austin. I'm not saying I've never dated a guy before.....I'm saying I've never had sex with a guy before."