Love Without Love

two →

Walking out onto the streets with the two males was something I was used to, since I was always always walking behind someone and their friend. The only person who always walked beside me was Mark, he was always there, even if I wasn't in the mood to talk. He wouldn't force me to, he wouldn't even make me listen. Sometimes he'd let me borrow an earbud, and we listening to music together while walking. I was so thankful for him, because he was one friend that I knew would stick around. Mark made me happy, just because he was always there when I looked, and when he looked, I was always there.

Smiling to myself, I was looking down at the cracks in the sidewalk, before a soft light from a flickering stop light made me stop. Tilting my head up, I saw the display through the store window, a painting that made me stare for far too long. It was pretty, of birds sitting in the snow, a light sky over top of them. I could easily tell it was watercolour, as it was a favourite medium of mine. Taking a quiet breath, I looked to the side, expecting to see them both meters away from me.

But Jaebum and Yugyeom were right there, exchanging casual conversation a few feet away. I felt my cheeks heat up, now I'm embarrassed they saw me in awe over a simple piece of art. Clearing my throat, I lowered my head and continued to walk, nearly passing them before they started walking. Sighing, I pushed my fringe away from my eyes, biting at my bottom lip as I shuffled along. It was quiet, I felt like I could float away into nothing, because my heart felt at ease. Probably because I hadn't looked up at the boy I loved for a good ten minutes. Thinking of him made me curious, so I peeked upward. I stole a glance at Yugyeom, his lips moving as he spoke to the older beside him just made something in my chest heart. Before I looked back down, I took a glance at Jaebum, to see if he was doing alright. His eyes were gently gazing into mine, I blinked a few times, only for him to turn back and speak to the younger.

Was he looking at me? For how long? He was probably just checking to see if I was still there. I was so quiet I probably wouldn't have noticed if I was about to be abducted.
Looking up for the second time, I realized we were already there. That, and I had slipped off the edge of the curb, almost stepping in a puddle.
"Can't you walk properly?" Jaebum had stopped to help me again, taking my wrist and hoisting me up easily, making my sneakers avoid the water. Smiling lightly, I shrugged my shoulders and looked at the tattoos on his knuckles again. Arrows. He let go of me after he lead me inside, causing me to forget why I was there again. Then I looked up at my reason, seeing him look back at me and smile too.
Holy shit.
Shaking my head, I turned the corner to go find snacks, which was also the same way Jaebum went. My eyes glanced over the multicoloured packets on shelves, causing me to stare as if in deep thought.

What should I get for Mark? Of course he wasn't so picky, but I wanted to tailor it to his likes. Crouching down to retrieve a bag of gummy worms, I hummed to myself, grabbing a bag of sour candies before standing up again.
"You like art?" Suddenly, the silence between us was broken, and I glanced back at JB who was standing with his hands in his pockets loosely. Nodding hesitantly, I looked at him and moved hair from my eyes.
"Yeah, I studied fine arts in school... That and literature." I figured if I was talking to him about this that I should include everything basic about me. He blinked, though nodded, obviously thinking about what I said.
"Did you finish school? Post secondary?" Jaebum reached out, taking a chocolate bar and looking at me, giving me his attention. Repeating my actions, I nodded.
"Yeah, my courses in university weren't that long. And I entered grade school one year early, so I was ahead and still younger." Not sure why I told him all this, I stared up at his face, seeing him slightly smiling, as if his lips never did curl into a full one. I felt like it was something I needed to see one day, or at least be the cause of once. I liked seeing people smile.

"How old are you?" I walked around the corner to grab a drink, looking at him over my shoulder and grinning.
"Seventeen and three quarters." His eyes gently widened, I figured he just thought I was older than what I actually was. Oh well, i'm glad to have surprised someone. "Seventeen? I thought you'd be at least nineteen..." Jaebum paused, parting his lips and holding the cooler door open so he could grab a soda.
"I'm eighteen."
"Oh, Jaebum-oppa." I said quietly, sort of testing how it would sound, only for him to chuckle, lightly patting me on the shoulder as he walked by.
My gaze followed him, as I scurried to catch up. Curious about a couple of things.
"Did you.. continue school?" I asked, wanting to know what sort of things he would be interested in studying. He shook his head briefly, moving his hair from his eyes and sighing.
"I didn't do anything after high school, because the people around me were making my experience horrific. I would rather be away from people who make me want to die than be around them all day for another few years." I smiled sadly at him, laughing quietly as I walked to the cashier, setting my items down which she scanned quietly.
"It's never too late to really go back and study, y'know." My voice was soft as I fished around for change, setting down the money I owed and taking the plastic bag from her grip. Standing to the side, I watched quietly as Jaebum paid, standing near the door beside me now.
"I know... I just don't think I have the patience to." Jaebum stared over at Yugyeom, whom was on the phone with someone.
"I'm pretty stupid too, wouldn't get good grades even when I try."
"Hey. It's not about the numbers, it's about what you learn and how you use it. Nobody cares about grades, everyone cares about what's on the inside Jaebum." He seemed to be quite happy with my answer, as he just sort of looked at me, reaching over and brushing hair from my eyes.
"You're pretty smart Yujin... Keep yourself like this, I like it."

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When we got home, I felt like now I wasn't as alert to seeing JB around, since we had spoken for a while. He even walked beside me on the way home, saying things like i'd get lost in the dark and someone would take me while I wasn't watching. Of course I laughed at it, but didn't mind his company. Yugyeom seemed busy, he must have been talking on the phone for half an hour now. I laid back down on Mark's bed, loudly sighing as I nudged the candy over at the male playing games on his laptop.
"How'd it go?" He said, opening the bag and plopping one into his mouth, chewing as he looked at me expectantly.
"Good, Jaebum-oppa went too..." Mark laughed at that, leaning his head on the end of the bed and smiling over at me.
"Upset because Jaebum interrupted your time with Yugyeom?" He cooed, making me roll my eyes.
"No! He was keeping me company while Yugyeom talked on the phone. If he wasn't there I would be outside right now walking around lost, the last thing I am is upset." I huffed before wrapping his blanket around me, quietly humming as I laid there.
"Oppa, do you think i'll ever get a boyfriend?" He choked on his candy, coughing loudly as he hunched himself over.
"You could have just said no, jeez." Opening the bottle of soda, I took a large gulp before he regained his breathing pattern.
"You had a boyfriend remember?"
"Three years ago!"
"Myungsoo was a nice kid though!"
"But he broke up with me, remember?" At that moment, the door flew open and a stuffed rabbit was thrown at my face.
"Can you two shut up? I'm trying to skype my baby sister, goodness me. It's almost midnight. Go to bed."

I pouted, looking down a the stuffed animal. Of course it was Youngjae's, since he didn't care about his useless possessions too much.
"Fine fine... Mark turn off the light." I murmur, leaving his blanket on his bed and hopping onto the one adjacent to his, which was usually Jinyoung's. Though he wasn't here right now, he was visiting family, so I was allowed to sleep there. Mark did as I asked, standing up after cleaning up his snacks, flipping the light switch off and closing the door again.
"Goodnight, we'll talk tomorrow." He said simply, stretching as he slipped his shirt off, not really caring that my eyes were still looking at him through the darkness.
"Okay, goodnight. Thanks again, for saving me from the horrible party." I quietly whispering, pulling the blanket over my face and turning over. I can only assume Mark had changed in that time, since I heard him shuffle into his bed, sighing as he had to shake the blanket out and back into shape.

"You know I'd do anything for you."