The Bright Side

Eight

TW: mentions of self-harm, pls skip to the 11th paragraph if that makes you uncomfortable.
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The weather is warmer today, around 75 degrees. There is also no wind, and it's sunny. I saw this as a perfect opportunity to wear a dress.

I love matching dresses with my converse.  I've been doing it since I was young.

The dress I'm wearing today is black, the neckline showing a little cleavage. It ends slightly above my mid-thigh. A little shorter than I prefer, but it looks cute. The material slightly clings to my waist, accentuating the small curves I do have.  Except the the dress is looser past the point of my hips.

My long skinny legs are on display. A few scars are present on my knees and legs except I pay no mind to them anymore.

One of them is from falling off my bike a few years ago, another is from when my dad was drunk one time and knocked into me and I fell and hit my leg on our dining room table.

I have another small scar on the inside of my thigh. There was a time in middle school where I wasn't the bright, positive, go-lucky girl that I try to be now. When you go a long time without being able to make friends, when your father degrades you along with the people from school, the light within yourself eventually dims.

Every time I had looked at a sharp object I couldn't help but just think of it.

One day after this girl at school told me to "disappear", I pretended like it didn't affect me.  Later that day I went home and saw a razor on my desk. I don't know what possessed me, but I took the razor and slid it on my thigh. The next minute I was bleeding and crying, not able to believe what I had just done.

It hurt like a bitch, and I have a low pain tolerance.

No one knows I did that. And I never did it again.  I promised myself after that day that I would never purposefully hurt myself again.

I like my scars now.  I like how each one has its own little story. I look at scars as natural tattoos. Its a more interesting way of viewing them.

My hair is left in it's natural state, a middle part and down to my waist.

I woke up excited today to see Owen and Levina.  I wonder if Owen finished reading the book I gave him yesterday.  Hopefully he enjoyed it.

Hopefully he cried.  That would be funny.

I'm not a sadist I swear.

Walking into the lunchroom I automatically look towards their lunch table.  They are talking amongst each other and Owen looks confused.  Levina starts hysterically laughing.

She looks pretty when she laughs.

Can't relate.

I move in between the passing people holding their lunch trays and make my way to the table.

They both turn to me when I arrive.

Owen stares at me with no emotion present on his face. My stomach breaks out in a bundle of nerves as I notice in the corner of my eye him quickly looking me up and down before I sit down. Maybe he thinks my dress is pretty.

Levina is smiling up at me.

"Hey Luna!" Levina nicely says as she throws a chip in her mouth.

"Hi." I prop my head in my hands and tap my feet on the floor.  A warm smile sits on my face.

I turn to Owen, "Hey buddy." My smile gets progressively wider.

"I'm not your buddy." he takes a sip of his water while staring in my eyes.  My cheeks flush.