Heavy Heart

Chapter 34

I was up by 7am, but I was alone in that. Zack was snoring next to me, his arm across my torso. I moved away slowly so as not to disturb him and slid out of bed. I wanted a black coffee more than I wanted anything in the world, so I closed the door behind myself and headed to the kitchen. Lisa was still sound asleep on the sofa. I checked the bucket I'd left for her and it was empty. Relief washed over me, knowing I wouldn't have to clean that up. I went to the bathroom and pulled out some Advil and set it on the counter for Lisa.

I filled my coffee maker and let it brew. As the aroma filled my house I popped some toast down. I drank my coffee and it felt like liquid rainbows after the long night with Lisa. Mr. Fuzz and I enjoyed our solitude until just before 9am when Lisa groaned and cursed from the couch, "Fuck, my back and head hurt like hell! What happened?" I laughed at her from the kitchen. I got up and poured her a cup of coffee as I called out, "Come to the kitchen. I've got pills and coffee. You will need them." She whimpered pathetically from the couch before I heard some creaking, indicating she had stood up. I heard Lisa shuffle across the carpet to the doorway of my kitchen where she peered at me through hooded eyes.

"Why does my back sting so much?" she asked. I set a cup of coffee and the Advil bottle down across from my chair and returned to my seat, "You broke a glass at the bar last night, then you fell on top of it. Don't worry, no stitches." She sank down into the chair and sighed. Lisa picked up the bottle of pills and studied them, "I don't remember much from last night. I must have drank a lot."

I let a snorted laugh escape my lips as I said, "Oh yeah, you drank way too much. Then you and Hannah had a huge fight. Hannah left. You drank more and then you fell down. Zack and I brought you here. Then you confessed all your darkest secrets." Lisa's eyes went wide with horror, "What secrets?" I smiled softly, "I don't care if you are gay, Lisa. I really don't." She almost spit out her coffee across the table at my words. Her eyes filled with tears as she whispered, "Oh no, don't tell Hannah I told you. She will never speak to me again if she knows that you know. Please, Layla, promise me." I reached across the table to comfort her, "I won't, don't worry. I will keep your secrets, but you should figure out what you are going to do."

She squeezed my hand slightly and let it go. As Lisa took another sip of her coffee she muttered, "There is nothing to do. Hannah doesn't want a relationship with a woman. She wants us to be a secret and I don't want that. I am in love with her. It's so fucked up." She tried really hard to hide her eyes but I saw the tears slide down her cheeks. I sighed and asked, "So you want to come out and she doesn't?" Lisa nodded slowly. "Well then you need to do what is best for you. I mean, not everyone is ready for the right person at the same time. Some of us need to find our own way. If she is not ready, that is ok, but that doesn't mean you can't be ready without her." I said.

Lisa stared at me for a moment before she spoke, "I love her so much, it's ridiculous. I've loved her since highschool, she's the most beautiful girl in the world but she's such a closet case. Plus she refuses to admit that we were even in a relationship. Hannah just likes to say we hung out and made each other happy. It's like we what we were together doesn't count." The hurt was evident in her voice. I could tell Lisa had let herself love Hannah deeply and then to be cast aside would have been heartbreaking. I refilled our coffees and muttered, "You can't control her though. She's going to do things at her own pace. You need to decide what is best for you."

A groan came from my bedroom, which caused Lisa's head to snap around with wide eyes. She looked back at me and smirked, "I see he stays over the whole night now." I smiled wide and told her, "He's my boyfriend. He has his own drawer, you know." She clapped her hand over her mouth in mock shock, "Oh my goodness you hussy, what will the neighbors say?"

"They don't care, trust me." I said with a giggle. She leaned across the table and whispered, "So, how is he?" I shrugged, "I'll never kiss and tell." Lisa rolled her eyes, "Since when?" I shook my head, I'd shared various sexual exploits with my friends before but I wasn't going to share anything about Zack. Something about him was different and our sex life was just ours, it wasn't for sharing.

"Sex with Hannah was amazing..." Lisa blurted out. I choked on my coffee slightly as we both laughed. She shook her head and blushed, "Sorry, I know it's too much information but it was really good. I miss it." I wanted to ask a question but I was weary. We continued to drink our coffees, Lisa chatted about her feelings for Hannah. After a few minutes I finally got up the courage to ask her, "Is Hannah the first woman you've been with?"

Lisa smirked at me and shook her head, "No, I've had a few flings along the way. I think the reason why Hannah and I clicked so well is because we knew each other beforehand. With the others, when we got together, it was harder because the expectations were different. It hadn't evolved naturally." I smiled, "Yeah I understand. That makes sense. I mean, you know each other so well that those feelings would transfer into something physical." Lisa nodded and bit her lower lip.

"I know that Hannah is attracted to both men and women, but she only wants to be attracted to men. Whenever I brought up that I wasn't really into men, she would laugh and say 'well when I meet the right guy'; it would always make my heart sink." Lisa muttered. I nodded, "She might just need more time to figure out what she wants." My friend shook her head, "No, she's been pretty clear about it. Hannah doesn't want to go public, she doesn't want anyone to know about us. So I need to just get over it."

Lisa's eyes filled with tears again. I felt for her, I wished there was something I could say or do to make everything better but there wasn't. All I could offer was moral support and a shoulder to cry on. The relationship between Lisa and Hannah was the oldest story in the book, aside from the fact they were both women. One had stronger feelings then the other, one was more attached than the other. That's why everything is fair in love and war, I suppose.

I heard my bedroom door open along with a loud yawn. Zack had finally gotten out of bed. I smirked and called out, "Come on, baby, I've made coffee. Make sure you are decent, Lisa is still here." I heard a raspy, "Okay". Then my bedroom door closed again. I giggled and smiled at Lisa, "That means he was in his underwear when he opened the door."

She laughed loudly and sipped her coffee. After a few minutes Zack joined us in the kitchen. He had serious stubble and bedhead going, but I found his sleepy morning face to be cute. Lisa smirked at him as he crossed the kitchen, pausing behind me. Zack leaned over, wrapped his arm around my shoulders and kissed the back of my neck. It sent shivers down my spine which I could not hide. Lisa rolled her eyes and muttered, "Sure, rub it in why don't you."

"Good morning ladies." Zack muttered as he poured himself a cup of coffee. He popped some bread in the toaster and started making himself some breakfast. Lisa smirked, "Good morning Zack Trulley. I never thought I would see this day." He chuckled and shook his head, "How are you feeling Lisa?"

She shrugged, "I'm alive. I've been better. It was pretty great of you guys to take such good care of me, so thank you both." I smiled, "No worries, Lisa. That's what friends are for." Zack nodded in agreement, not looking up from buttering his warm toast.

"I'm probably not going to get back into the drinks for a while." she told us. I rolled my eyes, "Yeah, that's probably a good idea." I was about to get up to grab another cup of coffee when my phone started to ring. I glanced at the caller ID, it read 'Hannah'. Lisa noticed it as well, her face went white. I sucked in a deep breath and answered, "Hey, how's it going?"

"Hey, how are you?" Hannah asked. I bit my lower lip and glanced over at Lisa. She was biting her thumb nail, trying not to jump up from the table. I kept my voice nonchalant, "I'm good, Zack and I are just finishing breakfast. How about you?"

Hannah cleared her throat, "I'm good. I'm just looking for Lisa. We had a bit of a misunderstanding last night and I wanted to clear the air. I went by her place this morning but she's not there. I've called but I think her phone is dead, because it's going straight to voicemail. Have you heard from her?" I looked at Lisa and handed her the phone, "It's for you."

Lisa sucked in a tight breath, "Hello?" She abruptly stood up and walked into my bedroom, closing the door behind her. Zack sat down next to me and asked, "What's that about?" I smiled at him and shrugged, "Just girl stuff."