Heavy Heart

Chapter 35

Lisa was in my bedroom for over an hour. Zack tried not to ask any questions about the night before. He called his mother to make some plans for us that day. I tidied up my kitchen while everyone else was on the phone. Mr. Fuzz and I decided to turn the television on and sit on the couch. We found some Saturday morning cartoons, Mr. Fuzz insisted his spot was on my chest, so my view was completely obstructed by his giant head. Over the years we'd had several conversations about personal space but he didn't seem to remember any of them.

Zack came in after about twenty minutes to join us. He chuckled when Mr. Fuzz made his way from my chest to his, causing me to snort, "Fairweather cat! How can you leave me like that?!"

"He just can't resist me, baby. What can I say? Don't shame him for his choices." he teased me. I crossed my arms over my chest and glared, "Oh I do shame him. For shame!" Zack laughed out loud while Mr. Fuzz just closed his eyes and snuggled in, unapologetically. I turned the television off and turned on the couch to face him.

"So, what did your mom say?" I asked carefully. He smiled softly, "She invited you over for supper tonight. She also said she was planning on doing a puzzle this afternoon if we want to join." I raised an eyebrow, a puzzle... I chuckled and shook my head, "You are kidding right?"

Zack shook his head, "Nope, my mom loves puzzles. She puts on CBC radio and will do a thousand piece puzzle in an afternoon." I was surprised that the puzzle was a planned activity for his mother. I nodded slowly, "Alright. I haven't done a puzzle in like twenty years but sure. Why not." He smirked at me and kissed my cheek, "Good, she will be pleased."

It felt so wholesome, for his mother to listen to CBC and do a puzzle on a Saturday afternoon. My parents might have done that on a weekend. I felt my stomach clench when I thought about them, it had been a long time since they'd crossed my mind. I didn't have their pictures up in my house, it had been too painful after they'd passed away to see them each day. I'd just packed everything away, pushed it down and tried to let it sink to the bottom of my psyche. With my dad, I'd only been eight so it was easier, but when my mom died, that shook me. I was twenty-two at the time. It had been her and I for so long, just like Jackie and her mom. I'd been so focused on getting through the day to day, I'd just pushed it all aside.

"Hey, Layla, are you alright?" Zack asked. I snapped back to reality with his voice. I sucked in a deep breath and looked at him. He raised an eyebrow, waiting for me to answer. I shrugged and whispered, "Sorry, I was just thinking about my mom."

He took my hand and squeezed it slightly, "You've never mentioned her before. What was she like?" I chuckled as memories flooded back in my mind. I shuffled closer to Zack as I started to tell him stories about driving in the farm truck with my parents, running through fields of canola, praying for rain and cursing the hail. I rambled on and on until I ran out of breath. He smiled the entire time, it felt good to share those memories with someone. After a while Zack pulled me closer to his chest so his arms were wrapped around my torso. Mr. Fuzz took the hint and jumped down, leaving us alone to go and search out a cozy spot to nap.

Zack kissed my neck softly, causing me to tilt my head and moan. He whispered softly into my ear, "What about your mom?" I frowned and shot him a look, "I just told you about her." He shook his head, "No, you told me about both of them. You told me mostly about your dad, what about your mom?"

I paused for a moment and thought about it. I hadn't realized, but all the stories I'd shared were about both of them. I sighed and shrugged, "I don't know. The best times we had were when my dad was still alive. After he died, my mom kind of turned inward. She didn't smile much after him. She was never the same." Zack nodded and kissed my shoulder, "My mom was the same for a long time. She didn't really come out of her shell again until she was diagnosed with arthritis. Then she kind of snapped back to reality."

I nodded, "My mom never came back really. After my dad died, she was depressed. She didn't like herself much, she focused on running the farm as best she could. Renting out the land. We moved to town and she worked part time. It was always her and I, just going through the motions."

"My mom missed my dad so much after he died. It was hard. She was like that too." he confided in me. I'd had no idea the two of us had so much in common. We'd both lost our dad's when we were younger, and our mothers had been distant and withdrawn after. It never occurred to me that Zack would understand that part of my life. Normally I didn't share that part of my life with anyone but Jackie, and we didn't talk about it much because she already knew my story. My other friends didn't really know much about it, I'd kept it private because I didn't like to share that much.

I smiled at Zack, "I wanted her to go back to the way she was before my dad died but it never happened. Then, when she got sick she went so fast. All my time was spent trying to help her and then she was gone." He nodded, "Yeah, after my dad died, my mom was the same. She went through the motions, it's common." We exchanged knowing looks and kissed softly. Every day I found something else I adored about this man. He constantly amazed me with his insights.

"I like talking to you." I stated. Zack laughed and kissed my cheek, "Well, that is good. I like talking to you too." We giggled and kissed for a little while, both of us happily ignoring the other's coffee breath. Lisa finally came out of my room with tears in her eyes. She crossed the room slowly and handed my phone back to me.

I frowned as I took my phone and set it down on the side table. Lisa sank down to the floor in front of us. Zack and I waited for her to speak but all that came from her was a loud, guttural sob. Instinctively, I reached out and pulled Lisa's shoulders into my lap. She cried as she wrapped her arms around my torso. Zack's eyes grew wide as he asked, "What happened?!"

After several deep, hard cries, Lisa managed to say, "Hannah told me she didn't appreciate that I went to her friend's house to complain about her. She is furious with me for telling you about us. She told me she doesn't want to talk to me anymore, or even see me at work." I held on to Lisa and tried to sooth her but it was no use. She was completely beside herself.

"I don't know what to do. I don't think I can fix this, Layla." she cried. I tucked her hair behind her ears and stroked it carefully. Zack sighed heavily and stared at me, mouthing to me 'What is happening?'. I shook my head and told him to 'sshh'. Zack reached for a box of tissues near the couch and set them down next to Lisa. Honestly, I think she forgot he was there. We sat together for a while, the three of us while Lisa cried her eyes out.