Her and Her Unofficial Love Affairs

CHAPTER 19

I smiled at the idea of him and Yvonne getting married. It was the second day of our seminar, another day to survive with him and his soonest-to-be-wife. Yvonne just declared yesterday after pack-up that they're gonna get married next week! As in, she decided on impulse! I guess she just got so carried away by the teachings of Ms. Kitchie Ng that she urged Lance to talk to their pastor for a schedule early that morning.

On the sideline, I was there pitying myself again. It was like high school rewind when he dated an assortment of girls with me looking from afar. Last night I got drunk with my best friend. It was my first time ever after college when I got so wasted during our night-out after graduation. If it hurt in high school when my love was left unreciprocated, it's harder this time to let a boy go who was never been mine.

"So, what's up with you? We haven't really talked since yesterday," he inquired during our morning break when Yvonne was in the powder room.

"Here, as you already know, me and my best friend will be putting up a wedding planning business," I answered.

"Yeah, I know about that. How about a boyfriend? Who is the lucky guy?" he ensued.

"Oh, I'm focusing on my career. No to love life just yet," I replied nervously. Small talks like this always make me feel uneasy.

"Same old you, huh?" he accused.

"No, just concentrating on priorities," I emphasized.

"You're only having that as front," he further charged against me.

"What?" I asked bewildered.

"Now don't act like a high school teenager. We're already adults, right? You're always in denial," he raised his allegation while taking a sip of his coffee.

"I really don't know what you're talking about," I rejected all his accusations. Now I was starting to feel so ridiculous! What the hell is he trying to say? Why is he jeering at me that way? So I stood up from my seat to leave him alone.

"For once, acknowledge what you're really feeling and what your heart desires. Have it out to the open. Get out from your shell," he advised unsolicitedly grabbing my elbow.

I shoved his grab aside when Yvonne got back to us.

"Is there something wrong?" she asked curiously. Maybe she has sensed the tension between me and her fiancée.

"No, Yvonne. Everything's just fine. We were only talking about the kinds of flowers that will be perfect for your aisle," I said eyeing at her fiancée.

"Yes, absolutely! That was what I was thinking about. Calla lilies are such a beaut nowadays!" Yvonne said dreamily as she took her seat beside her fiancée, the seat that was mine a while ago.

"Exactly! White callas are dainty and exquisitely elegant," I seconded the motion, grabbing the seat beside her.

"Love, let's have callas then," Yvonne turned to her fiancée.

"Whatever pleases you," Lance muttered without much interest. He then stood up and left us with the girl talk.

Why did he always does this to me? His effect on me always made me feel guilty for myself! Was I really in denial? Did I really make my feelingsunacknowledged? Why did he know so? What was it for him? Why could he see me that way? He never did see me ever as far as I couldremember!