I'm Done Holding Back

Chapter One: Six Years

     "So, what do you think?"

     Varian vaguely registers Queen Rapunzel's question. He is hard at work in his lab, as he often is, and Rapunzel has once again decided to pay him a visit. It isn't far for her to travel, considering Varian's lab is now in the castle. As is his bedroom, and most of his belongings.

     "Well, um... I-I'm not really sure," Varian responds, never taking his eyes off of the device he is fiddling with on his work table.

     Rapunzel shakes her head disapprovingly. "Varian, have you been listening to a word I've said?"

     In all honesty, Varian has mostly been tuning her out. Whenever she comes in here to check on him, she usually prattles on and on about some girl she knows in the castle or in the kingdom. And typically, she attempts to set Varian up on a date with said girl.

     "I heard... enough," Varian says.

     Rapunzel sighs. "Come on Varian, Faith is a very sweet girl! Admittedly, she was never handmaiden material. But she has so many other incredible skills! And..."

     Varian rolls his eyes as Rapunzel continues her speech. He has been on a few of these blind dates that Rapunzel has set up for him, but none of them have ever worked out. He just hasn't connected with anyone, and he doesn't really want to. He only agreed to them to make Rapunzel happy. But if he had known that she would continuously do this, he never would have accepted her invitation to move into the castle.

     When Varian turned eighteen, his father Quirin decided to return to the Dark Kingdom with the goal of helping King Edmund rebuild. Varian encouraged his father to do so, but the fact remained that he was afraid to be alone. He has had some extremely unpleasant experiences in the past with being alone...

     Rapunzel seemed to pick up in this, and invited Varian to move into the castle. It made sense, considering he is the official Royal Engineer. Now Varian is twenty-two, and while he and Rapunzel are close friends, he can't help but become irked at her almost constant meddling.

     "Rapunzel, please," Varian interrupts. "I appreciate what you're trying to do, but I'm really busy right now. I'm attempting to finish this project for Eugene."

     "Okay, fine. I'll leave you alone," Rapunzel says. "But, will you at least think about going out with Faith?"

     Varian shakes his head. He has been polite this long, but enough is enough. "No, I won't. I'm done with these blind dates."

     "But—"

     "No buts!" Varian says, spinning around to face her. "I said I'm done! Why do you keep trying to set me up with someone, anyway?"

     Rapunzel seems surprised by his outburst. "I just... I just want you to be happy," she replies quietly.

     Varian raises an eyebrow. "What makes you think I'm not happy?"

     Rapunzel scoffs. "Let's see... You've been extra snippy lately. You rarely attend social events. You hardly ever sleep or eat. You barely talk to anyone unless you have to. And all you ever do is stay holed up in this lab, working." She ticks each point off on her fingers. "You're not yourself, Varian. You haven't been for a while. And I'm not the only one who's noticed!"

     Varian lowers his gaze to the floor, because he realizes that Rapunzel is right. He knows exactly why he hasn't been himself, too, he just hasn't possessed the courage to tell Rapunzel or anyone else. They would think he is crazy...

     "Well, thanks for the concern, but a date with another random girl is not going to make me any happier." He turns back around to his table, and continues working.

     After a brief silence, Rapunzel says, "Okay then... Guess I'll talk to you later." She exits the room, and he listens as the sound of her footsteps diminishes.

     Varian sighs, feeling guilty about the way he spoke to Rapunzel. He knows she is only trying to help him. She is his friend, and she is worried about him. But he isn't quite ready to talk with her —or any of his friends— about what's been on his mind.

     Six years. It has been six years since Cassandra left Corona. The day she left crushed his heart. He had always cared for her, but he hadn't realized exactly how much until she was no longer in his life. Despite everything she had done, he had fallen for her, and there was nothing he or anyone else could do about it. A part of him was happy for her, that she was going out to brave the world on her own to find her destiny. But a selfish part of him wished she would stay, so he could still see her. Talk to her. Be around her.

     After a few years, he thought he had gotten over her. He had managed to get to a point where he could move on with his life, without feeling the pang in his chest that came with the memory of her. He thought he was over her, until...

     Until the letters started coming. Each one began with the words, "Hey, it's Cass. I hope you're doing well." She would go on to impart some simple story, something she saw that reminded her of him or that she thought he would have enjoyed. Then each letter ended with, "Your friend, Cassie." That was it. They were short, they were to the point, and they never included a return address.

     He is aware that he isn't the only one receiving letters from Cass. He knows that she is practically writing novels to Rapunzel. But those letters have once again stirred his feelings, and he finds his heart leaping every time he receives another one from her.

     But his heart also sinks whenever he finishes reading her latest letter, knowing that she is out there somewhere having all those adventures and he is sitting here in Corona pining after someone who only thinks enough about him to write a short, simple letter. It hurts, which is why he has been acting so strange lately. He cannot inform anyone else of this, though... They would think he has completely lost it.

And maybe he has lost it... Even if Cassandra were still here in Corona, there is no way he would ever have a chance with her. What would someone as amazing and beautiful and independent as her see in a nerdy loner like him?

These are the thoughts that have been consuming him for months now. Rapunzel is right, he has been acting differently. It has even been interfering with his work. He has been toiling away all day in his lab, and he has barely made any progress on his current invention.

"So if I put this here, and then twist this..." He mutters to himself, wedging a screwdriver into the device.

Suddenly, his raccoon Ruddiger rushes into the room. He chitters frantically, pointing at the door.

"What, is Rapunzel coming back to give me another speech about some girl?" Varian says, rolling his eyes. He doesn't look up from his work as he hears footsteps approaching, even once he hears a light knock on the door frame.

"I told you already, I'm not doing it!" Varian says, just as sparks fly up from his invention and shoot smoke directly in his face. He coughs and shakes his head in surprise.

"What exactly are you 'not doing'?"

Varian freezes when he hears this unexpected voice. This familiar voice. He spins around, not permitting his brain to believe it is truly her until he sees her with his own eyes.

"C-Cassandra?"