Maya Stark

Chapter 61: You would understand

And we were back in Germany. Berlin, to be exact. We walked through the halls of the high-tech prison, a guard leading the way.

'He's just through that corridor,' the guard said.

'Give us a sec,' Bucky said. He waits for the guard to walk away. 'I'm gonna go in alone.'

'Why?' I ask quickly.

'You two are Avengers. You know how he feels about that.'

'It's not like you two were known for frolockin' in the sun together,' said Sam.

'He was obsessed with HYDRA,' Bucky said. 'We have a history together. Trust me. I got it.'

I lean against the wall as Bucky goes to follow the guard. Sam leaned against the wall across from me and I avoid his gaze.

'So,' he started, 'you wanna... talk about anything that's happened today?'

I almost scoff. 'You don't have to ask, Sam. I'm fine. I'll always be fine.'

'Maya, nothing that has happened today proves to me that you're fine,' he said. 'You know Bucky didn't mean—'

'Yes, he did Sam,' I said, shaking my head. 'Don't try to spin it as anything else. But I also meant what I said. I don't think I'm cut out for this hero life anymore. Not without...' I trail off with a sigh.

'You can't say his name.'

'What?'

'Tony's.'

I wince. 'It's nothing. I don't want to talk about back then, Sam. It's pointless.'

'It's going to come out one way or another, Maya. It's your decision on how.'

I stayed silent, looking at the floor and Sam sighs.

'Why do you resent Steve?'

My eyes snapped to his, the question taking me by surprise. 'I don't.'

'Oh, no, you just don't care about him or his stupid legacy, right?'

'He was the one that left, Sam,' I sighed. 'Steve came to me at the funeral and asked if I would be okay. He didn't even have to tell me what he was going to do. I just... knew. It was written all over his face. Hope and guilt, all in one. What else was I supposed to say? I couldn't very much beg him to stay, could I?'

Sam was watching me carefully and I refused to look away first.

'Steve hated leaving you the most,' Sam said.

'How would you even know that?'

'It was in his face,' Sam said. 'When he gave you the shield to give to me. It pained him to even look at you. But he knew you would understand. Out of anyone, Maya, you have to understand the most. You would go back in time if you could, wouldn't you?' I didn't say anything, and I swallow hard. 'You couldn't ever let any of them down. Once you realize that, maybe you'll be able to move forward and figure out yourself.'

I opened my mouth to retort, but Bucky came walking back up the hallway. He didn't say anything as he kept walking down the hall. Sam and I shared a last look before following him.