Maya Stark

Chapter 47: Five Months Later

I woke up with a jerk. I was sweating, shaking, and tears littered my cheeks. My heart was pounding, and my breathing was ragged. Nightmares. I was used to waking up like this, it happened almost every morning. That didn't make it much easier. My subconscious litters my dreams with events of the past. It changes every night on who or what I see. It was mentally and physically tolling, seeing as I barley slept most nights. I got out of bed, wiping the sweat and tears off my cheeks. I stumbled down to the kitchen, pouring myself a glass of water. I sat down at the island, staring at my glass.

I hadn't slept much for the past five months. It got even worse when my eighteenth birthday came and went. There were to many missing faces to make it matter at all. I spent most of my days ignoring anyone who tried to contact me. Pepper and Morgan were the only two I willingly saw. Happy and Rhodes didn't take no for an answer, always coming by unannounced. Although, I did enjoy their company. I had talked to Sam over the phone because he begged me to. He said it was about something important. He wanted to give the shield to a museum. The Smithsonian to be exact. I'd be going there later today. A four-hour car ride all to myself. I was looking forward to it.

The clock on the wall strikes five am. My eyebrows furrow. I was expecting it to be earlier like usual. I had to leave by eight to get to Washington in time. I finally chugged the glass of water and jumped off the stool to head back to my room and get ready. Sam had wanted my thoughts on what he was planning to do, and although I wasn't sure if it was the right decision, I understood. It was his shield now anyway, and I appreciated him talking to me first. So, now I have to go watch as they lock away the last part of Steve into a glass container to be set on display. I wish people would stop expecting me to care about this shield when it wasn't mine and never will be mine. But I promised Sam I would go.

I spent a good amount of time in the shower, enjoying the solitude it gave me. I was probably in there for an hour before finally getting out. I was like a zombie getting ready, just surprised I could stand this long. I looked in the mirror when I finished and a dead-like version of me stared back. My hair was down to the middle of my back now, the dark brown contrasted the dark purple well. I tied it into a ponytail, trying to conceal some of the purple and to get it out of my face. The blueness of my eyes looked almost gray, and my eyes overall were emotionless. Still, they held the faintest memory of him. I was wearing a casual black dress, already feeling bare without Nat's sweater wrapped around me. I wore the moon necklace and ring, but still, I wasn't myself.

There were a couple new things added to my appearance. With my hair up, the small moon tattoo right below my ear was now visible. The Scorpio constellation on the inside of my arm also visible because of the short sleeves. That was Nat's zodiac. It fit her. The only tattoo you couldn't see was the one right over my heart that said, "I love you most, kid", with stars surrounding it. It was my favorite out of the three. I got them all, the day after I turned eighteen. Pepper had no complaints.

I left the bathroom and struggled putting my boots on before going back to the kitchen. It was nearing seven already and I started making eggs. They were Morgan's favorite and if I did it, Pepper wouldn't have to.

'You don't always have to make us breakfast, you know,' Pepper said from the doorway. I had just finished the eggs and was starting to put them on three plates with toast.

'I know,' I said, sending her a small, forced smile. 'It makes me feel... useful, I guess.'

'Well, thank you,' she said.

She moved the plates over to the table and I went upstairs to wake Morgan. I opened her door quietly and she was just stirring.

'Hey, kid,' I said. She sent me a sleepy smile. 'You hungry? I made eggs.'

Her eyes instantly lit up. 'Can I have a piggyback ride?'

I nod and walk in, kneeling down, so she could get on my back. This is how most mornings went. Morgan warmed up to me quickly and there was no way I couldn't love her. Despite Pepper's fake complaints, she shared my personality even at five. It was inevitable that we would get along. I carried her downstairs, her head laying on my shoulder. She was about as much of a morning person as I was. I set her down next to the table and we all sat down and started to eat. Most of the time, it was quiet, everybody still being tired.

'So, when are you leaving?' Pepper asked when we finished eating.

'Soon,' I say. 'Probably like ten minutes or so. I'll be back later tonight though. I don't think I'll have to stay all that long.'

'Okay,' Pepper nodded. 'Are you sure you want to drive yourself? I could always take you.'

I sigh as I stand up. 'I'll be fine, Pepper. Besides, I like driving.'

I grab mine and Morgan's plate and head to the kitchen once more. Pepper followed me with her own plate and Morgan ran into the living room to play. I put all the plates in the sink and turn towards Pepper.

'Seriously,' I said. 'It's just talking. Not even talking. I'm just listening and watching. I'll be back tonight. It'll be good for me to get out again. See Sam. And Rhodey is going to be there.'

Pepper sighs. 'I know, I know. I just worry about you. Just remember if you think it's too much then you should walk away or just try breathing, or—'

'Pepper,' I cut her off with a small smile. 'I'll be fine. I already know how to handle the anxiety attacks. It's been like two months now.'

'Okay, okay,' she said. 'Maybe today's the day you contact Peter?'

I give her a stern look. I haven't talked to Peter in a while now. Not necessarily because I didn't want to, but because I was way too scared. I can barely handle talking to Sam, how am I supposed to talk with Peter. Pepper brings him up every day, making it very hard not to feel a little bad about ignoring him. But I was ignoring everyone, to be fair. It wasn't just him. He was just the one I was ignoring the best.

'I got to get going,' I said with a sigh. She kind of huffed, but nodded. I gave her a quick hug and walked out of the kitchen into the living room. 'I'm leaving for the day, kid,' I tell Morgan.

She nods and gives me a quick hug, then goes back to her toys.

'See you tonight,' I said, shaking my head.

'Okay,' she said, happily.

'And stay out of the garage, please,' I tell her, walking out.

I then make my way to the garage. Besides my room, it was my favorite part of the house. It was big and a great workplace. It was already a big workplace, but I had made it just a tad bigger. There were limited cars, Pepper said she made him get rid of a few. Still, they all were fancy and expensive, not that anyone would expect any less. I get in the yellow Audi R8. It was a smooth ride and I liked it the best out of all the others. I rode in it a lot when I was younger. I started the car and the trip started.