The Pillow | Yoongi

Twenty-Six

     I can’t remember the last time I was in a car as silent as this. Well, not audibly silent, but emotionally silent. Jungkook decided it would be a good idea to turn the radio on and sing with his head halfway out of the window. He said that he would feel ‘Extra super duper bad’ if he threw up in my car. 

     After what he said to me about Yoongi’s last relationship, I tried so hard to push it out of my head. I haven’t put forth that much mental energy to keep a thought out of my head in a long time. The last time I did it… It consumed me. ‘Maybe I should rewatch the Intrusive Thoughts Sanders Sides when I get home…’ 

     Before my thoughts can distract me too much, Jungkook brings his head back into the car. “Are you okay? You aren’t singing along with me…” Even though I’m still upset with him for what he did, I can’t help but notice how pretty he is.

     Don’t get me wrong, he’s a very handsome man. But some men are just so pretty that it hurts. The way his lips pout and their deep pink color, the dusting of rose on his cheeks (from the alcohol), and his messy hair from the wind- all make him look like he just got done making out with someone at a party. At least now he looks like the fuckboy that he truly is.

     “Yeah, I’m fine, I just don’t sing.” I force a chuckle at the end of my statement. 

     Jungkook grabs a half empty bottle of water from my cupholder and holds it up for me to see. “Can I drink this?” His lips pout even more and his voice is cutesy and higher pitched than normal.

     I shrug and keep looking forward. “It’s been in here since earlier today, so it’s probably warm by now. Go for it if you really want to. Just don’t chug it ‘cause it’ll make you feel worse.”

     My hands readjust on the wheel and make one of the final turns before we get to my neighborhood. I was always worried about driving when I was younger, scared even. My head always gets lost in the clouds and my mind drifts away from me easily, so I was always afraid of crashing or getting lost because I was so distracted. Turns out, if I know how to get to my destination, I can put my brain on autopilot. 

I wish I could put my life on autopilot.

     “You know…” Jungkook turns the radio down a few notches so I can hear him speak. “I shouldn’t have mentioned Yoongi Hyung’s last girlfriend earlier. I just don’t want him to use you like he used her.” His voice drops down and quivers slightly. “He… He was just so mean to her. Always telling her to buy him stuff and getting into fights with her behind closed doors. I heard one fight once… He called her a bunch of mean names and yelled at her too.”

     My blood runs cold as goosebumps rise on my skin. I could never picture Yoongi being like that, but sometimes the ones that look the nicest are the worst. You can never fully tell what a person is really like after only knowing them for a short time. The connection I feel between us now seems dangerous. 

     The messy haired man in my passenger seat clears his throat and turns his head to look behind us. “Uh… Sydney, I think we passed your house..” 

     I stop the car, maybe a little too harshly, and take a deep breath. I guess I was wrong about mental autopilot being an okay thing to do while driving. “Shit. I’ll just make a U-turn.” I drive forward to the next open intersection and turn the car around carefully. “Wait. How did you know we passed it? You’ve never been to my house before.”

     Jungkook keeps looking out the window, not even bothering to turn and look in my direction. My curiosity peaks when he takes a second longer to answer than I would’ve liked. “Yoongi Hyung’s car is parked in your driveway. I recognized it when we drove by.”