scars can fade [bakudeku]

chapter 10 - his last moments

'The scars I have on my body as well as the scars carved in my brain, they can all fade. All scars can fade, they can be so close to disappearing you barely see them, but they'll never fully heal. That's the thing about scars, they're permanent. And that's why, in the end, I had to leave this place behind. Even with a quirk I couldn't stop but feel powerless. Even with a father figure I couldn't stop but think about the one that left. Even with you by my side I couldn't stop but think about our past. Because you were everything to me, and you still are. I love you.'

-Izuku Midoriya

***

Izuku's walking through the streets. They're not empty, people keep passing him, minding their own businesses, no one knows where he's headed, no one realises what he's gonna do. He's made it through the day, he's transferred his quirk to Kacchan who'll notice it sometime soon, he texted his mom one last time, all his preparations are done. He left his school bag and all his stuff at U.A., even the notebooks he used to have on his persona any time of the day, he won't need them anymore.

It has started to drizzle, minuscule drops of rain land on Izuku repeatedly until he's drained. He doesn't care. This will be his last time experiencing it. It'll be the last time breathing in air. It'll be his last time outside, walking through the streets, seeing the world. It's quite beautiful when you're not focused on your responsibilities. It's beautiful to see how everything works on its own, yet it can't function without another. The animals, the trees, the water, the fish, everything is connected. They don't need Izuku. No one needs him.

He arrives at his middle school, it still looks the same. He passes the small pond with fish, the same ones that tried eating his notebook exactly a year ago. There's a reason why he chose this specific time and place. One year ago, today, was when his life changed. He met his idol, he saved his friend, he came one step closer to who he always strived to be, but it doesn't matter how many steps forwards he takes if there's a brick wall in front of him. He just isn't able to pass it.

After climbing up the staircases, he's now standing on the edge of the roof, looking down. It's high, he won't survive a fall from this height, even if he wanted to. Standing here, feeling the small breeze blow through his hair, feeling the drizzle on his skin, it's been ages since he felt this alive. He's glad he can die like this. He unwraps his bandages, revealing the countless scars, they sting a bit as the rain falls down on them, but that doesn't matter. He looks up to the sky above him and closes his eyes, his arms spread wide. If only this feeling would've existed before. He might've stayed alive a little longer to experience it, but there's no turning back now. He wants to do this, he wants to finally be free.

He takes out the kitchen knife he snatched from their common area. One last time, he needs to feel it. He slides the knife against his skin, a trail of red liquid falls down, mixing in with the rain almost immidiately. A red-ish fluid making its way all the way to the ground. It won't be much longer until Izuku follows. He slides the knife against his skin again, it feels good, amazing even. His blood once again mixes with the rain and falls down.
The third cut, for his classmates: the people who've been by his side, who've prevented him from going much earlier, who were close to helping him, who took him in as a friend, he couldn't have wished for anyone else.
The fourth cut, for Mr. Aizawa; he feels bad for leaving him, he'll probably feel like a failure as a teacher, Izuku hopes he won't punish himself too hard.
The fifth cut, for All Might: the one who entrusted him with his life and more, who trusted he could be the one saving everyone, who gave his life a meaning, who gave him the best last year he could've ever wished for.
The sixth cut, for his mom: he hates to leave her behind. She'll feel most miserable out of everyone, she'll feel like she failed as a mother, and she'll be left all alone. She's the reason why he stayed for years and years, the reason he couldn't leave earlier, she's the best mother someone could've had, and he hates to leave her behind in pieces.
The seventh cut, for Kacchan: for everything he's done. Good and bad stuff. For being his friend, for trying to protect him, for making him stronger, for giving him the solution, for being his idol. For being the person he could always look up to, for being the person he loved. The person he loves.
And the last cut, for himself: for everything he's done to himself. For all his scars, visible and invisible ones. For the pain he gave himself, for everything he's been through. One last cut, for himself, just to be selfish one last time.

Izuku closes his eyes and lets his gravity shift, falling backwards, his face is facing the sky. It won't be long before he joins the rain on the ground. A few more seconds until it's over. His body isn't attached to any ground or wall anymore, nothing can stop him. He feels himself falling down. He feels happiness, for the first time in a long time, he feels satisfied. After everything he's been through, after all the pain and despair he has felt, he can finally feel peace, he can rest easily, knowing the world will move on without him. Some people might be sad, but they'll find a way to continue. In the end, everything will continue, except for him. And he's fine with that.
He's free.
And for a moment he felt free.
Until he didn't.
A voice, a terrified voice, a voice as shrill, damaged and scarred as he's been feeling for the last few years echoes through the rain. It's shouting his name.

Izuku manages to catch a glimpse, you could say it's the last as well as the first person he'd expect to see here. "Kacchan?" He manages to say, confused, anxious, scared.
For a short period of time, the last second before he hits the ground, he feels regret. He realises the truth. He never wanted to die. He never wanted to feel this way. He wanted relief, not death.
Seeing this expression on the face of his 'enemy' makes him realise something. He was too blind to the obvious: Kacchan loves him, and he loved him back. A smile forms on Izuku Midoriya's face as a tear falls down to the ground, mixing with the blood and rain. No one can prevent him from hitting the ground now, this is the end. But he knows he chose the right successor, Katsuki Bakugou will pull through. He's the strongest person Izuku has ever met.
His hero.
His friend.
The one he loves.

Then he hits the ground.