scars can fade [bakudeku]

chapter 11 - too late

'I no longer knew what was real and was wasn't. The lines between reality and delusion had become so blurred.'

- A.B. Shepherd

***

Even though Katsuki Bakugou had realised Izuku acted strange, even though he knew he was struggling, even though he promised to protect him, he ended up neglecting the person he loved.

The schoolday was over for about fifteen minutes when Katsuki noticed something strange about his quirk. Except it wasn't his'. There was no sweat on his palms, no explosions, yet he felt himself being powerful, too powerful, like his body would explode if he wasn't careful. The realisation as to what it was came a minute later. He ran towards the nerd's dorm, not even bothering to knock, and walked in to find a deserted room. A room with three sealed letters laying on the desk. All addressed to a variety of people 'to All Might', 'to my mom', 'to Kacchan' they read. Katsuki's heart seems to stop reading it and without a thought he runs outside, looking for his childhood friend, hoping desperately he can find him before it's too late. He runs through the hallways and around the whole school, searching for the one person he can't find.
It's no use.

Katsuki wrecks his brain, trying to think of anything, any hint hinting towards where the nerd would've run off to. Then it hits him. This date, the anniversary of the sludge incident, which was the same day he told Deku—
There's one place left for him to look.

Katsuki never ran faster than he did today, even when his throat started feeling dry and his his vision blurry, he continued running. He needs to stop the nerd, he can't let him do this to himself. He knows it's his own fault, he knows Izuku feels like this because of him. He has to tell him, he needs to tell him how he feels, and how he's sorry, and how he never meant anything of it, and how he wished he could take his words and actions back, he needs to tell him everything. He needs to save Izuku, protect him like promised.

As he arrives at his old middle school, he realises he's too late. He can see a young boy with green hair, exposed arms with trails of blood and closed eyes falling down from the sky.
"Deku!" He shouts, trying desperately to reach him. His eyes have started to tear up, his clothes are drained from the rain, a terrified expression on his face. If only he can reach him, block his fall, prevent him from hitting the ground with this speed. If only. But he can't. And he sees him hit the ground, a puddle of blood forming around his body, mixing with the rain.

Katsuki kneels down, tries feeling Izuku's heartbeat. It's still there, although it's faint and almost non-existent. "Izuku. Izuku, please." He cries. Izuku's still breathing, but he's barely conscious. He manages to open his eyes, a faint smile on his face. "Ka-cchan." He says, then coughs up blood. A single tear sliding over his cheek. "I love you."

Katsuki watches as the life leaves Izuku's eyes, he feels all his muscles relax, he's holding nothing but a corpse. The scream that follows could be described as the most heartbreaking and hurt sound you'll ever hear. His shriek is louder than any existing sound around them. The birds seem to have stopped chirping, the cars have stopped riding, even the sky seems to have stopped moving. Everything is standing still, time has stopped, yet it's moving too fast. "No. No no no no no. Deku. No no no no no. Izuku. Izuku! Don't. You can't. You still have to become the number one hero. You have to surpass All Might, remember? You gotta. You-" Katsuki rants, tears stinging in his eyes, making his vision blurry. There's a hole in his stomach, Izuku has left him, he left him because of him. It's all his fault. "I love you too, you idiot. Please come back." He sobs, pressing Izuku's lifeless body against his own.

People have gathered around them, an ambulance has arrived, everyone is shocked to see what has happened here. Two EMTs take Izuku out Katsuki's arms, trying to get his heartbeat back while speeding to the hospital. Katsuki is shaking in the corner of the ambulance, watching as the lifeless body stays lifeless. For a short few seconds, they managed to get a heartbeat back, but that just makes the following constant beeb of his non-existing heartbeat louder. Eventually, the EMTs sit down, knowing they're unable to do anything now. "Moment of death. April 30th, 6.37PM" one of them states, making the hole in Katsuki's stomach even emptier than before. He stands up, walking to Izuku's body, taking his hand while his own hand continues to shake.
"I'm sorry, Izuku." He says, unable to say another word. He's sobbing uncontrollably, he's trying not to cry, but that's impossible.

Izuku's gone.
Izuku's gone and he's the cause.
He killed him.
He tried protecting him but ended up hurting him.
It's all his fault.

"I'm sorry for your loss. Were you good friends?" One of the two EMT workers asks. Katsuki shakes his head. He isn't sure what they were. In the end, you could say that they were nothing yet everything to each other. Friends, enemies, lovers, equals, strangers. They were all of them yet none of them. Now they're nothing. You can't be two people on your own, it takes two to form a bond.
"Would you like us to bring you home? I'm sure you—" the other EMT starts, but Katsuki interrupts.
"I'll walk."
"I don't think that's—"
"Please contact his mom. But be gentle, he was all she had left."
The EMT workers nod. They've dealt with these situations before, they know everyone griefs in a different way.

Katsuki is walking back to U.A. He doesn't care that his clothes are drenched, he doesn't care that his eyes are puffy and that everyone can see him cry. He doesn't care. It shouldn't matter. Nothing matters.
It can't be true, right?
It's just a dream, right?
It's another nightmare, he'll wake up and Izuku will still be there.
An image of Izuku's death body surrounded by a pool of blood flashes through is mind. He saw the body, which quickly turned lifeless. He saw the letters, he felt the fear. It feels too real to be false but too false to be real.
Everything's a mess and he has no idea how to escape this reality.