Mo Dao Zu Shi Stories

Jiang Cheng's guilt

DECIDED TO WRITE A PART WITH JIANG CHENG REACTING TO EVERYTHING HE SAW DURING WHEN EVERYONE WAS SEEING A LOT OF WEI WUXIAN'S PAIN. WANTED TO IMAGINE JUST HOW SCREWED UP HE MUST HAVE FELT. 

In his own room, there was nothing but a mess. Nothing but whip marks and gashes from a sword. Everything was torn down. It was as if a battle had taken place within these quarters, but in reality the damage was done by the owner of said quarters himself. His whip in one hand and his sword in the other. His blood boiling, and his eyes stinging with rage. He wasn't sure what he saw. He wasn't sure why he had to see it. He wasn't sure why it had to happen. But what he was sure of, was that he just could not understand anything.

"Jiang Cheng...!

The Lan Sect Leader opens the doors, and stops in his tracks. Before a word can be said he sees the whip come crashing down toward him. He quickly pulls his sword out and blocks the attack.

"Jiang Wangyin!"

With his name being called for a moment he stops in his attacks. Xichen takes this moment to step closer with his sword raised. He closes the doors and walks over.

"Please.....lower your weapons...Jiang Cheng...."

"...."

No words were said. He silently falls to his knees and lets go of both of his weapons. His hands raise to his head, his fingers curl, and his voice sticks to all the walls of his throat. He lets out the most pitiful sob he could make.

Xichen frowns and kneels down to his beloved and places his hands over his.

'His hands...are hot...and shaking. Just for how long was he swinging these weapons? And for how long was he crying?'

The moment they left that restaurant, everyone spilt into their own groups. Jiang Cheng however, split completely from everyone and went home on his own. He wanted to follow behind him closely, but he also wanted to reassure his little brother who was also feeling conflicted over what was shown to them. He was late to arriving, but he was now there. And all he wanted was to find a way to comfort his beloved.

"Jiang Cheng...."

"I....It's all...my fault....and yet....!"

"Ah, no...it's not your fault Jiang Cheng....those dark areas of the past all came from the jealousy and hatred of the Wen Clan's leader and his sons. We were all being pressured to be under their rule...that leader and his sons were too much. All the fault lies with them...."

"Xichen...."

"Don't try to take the blame on yourself...."

"No..."

"Huh?"

He hangs his head low and sniffles.

"I ran....I was the one who ran..away and was caught...but I...I did it to save him....!"

"Jiang Cheng....."

He lifts his head removing his hands from clutching the strands of his scalp, as his hair loosens from it's tied up state. Tears streaming over his cheeks, and his eyes glowing in a dark hue of despair. This sight pained Xichen's heart greatly.

"If it's as you say..then not moving would have been bad as well...."

"...."

"But as I had said, the main fault lies with the previous Wen Sect leader and his sons....not you. As for Young Master Wei, the...amount of pain he endured....no matter what if things were not spoken he would never speak of it. Wanji is the same...no wanting to speak of the pain he suffered. Never speaking of his discipline scars....especially to his beloved. The guilt in his heart, he felt would ruin him more. Some things should possibly be left unsaid, unless you can be willing to accept the truth. The truths of Wei Wuxian's pain, we must accept....as all of us who fought him, are guilty of discrediting him so harshly. We all were in the wrong....and we were all fooled...."

He says quietly as he wipes his eyes carefully.

"You are not the only one who has to carry this burden...Jiang Cheng..."

"..."

"What.....should I do...? Xichen...tell me.....all these years....I've thought of him with hatred, malice, and rage. Logically, attempting to place all fault on him. Just as how my mother did....I have her temper, and ability to make grand assumptions that are just that. Assumptions....and just like my mother....I lost the only love I would have needed....love of family. And in the end, the day when he died....something inside of me died as well..."

"...."

"I had no where to run to, and no one to point the fingers at...how naively ridiculous...!"

Xichen sighs lightly, and runs his hands gently through his hair. His head now laying in his lap with his face turned to his stomach.

"I just....I just wanted....my clan...with my siblings...and yet when I turn my back! Something takes them away!...."

"...."

"And now...I have Jin Ling....and yes my brother is back...and his name cleared....but this hatred and rage toward him....won't disappear. And it's frustrating....even if I wanted to face him...apologize to him....thank him.....beg for forgiveness....have a drink with him and Huisang like old times...I can't. Nothing is the same as it once was...."

"Nothing remains the same Jiang Cheng, there will always be changes everyday, that will change our fates. But it is up to us if we choose to be stuck in the past and let it affect our present and future, or if we choose to move on. And be able to forgive ourselves. If you want to apologize. Apologize. If you'd like to thank him...then do so....if you'd like to have a drink with him and Huisang, then let them both know. You choose what to do....and make peace with your past....it is not easy...and that is understandable. And know you're not alone. Do you understand...? Do not be afraid to show such vulnerabilities....it is okay to do so..."

He smiles softly, and continues to pet his head gently in comfort. Jiang Cheng takes his words and keeps them close. For now he could only allow himself to be kept in this small embrace, with his arms wrapped tightly around the waist of his own beloved. Such guilt weighs heavily on his heart, but at least he really didn't have to hold it in on his own anymore.