The True Confessions of a Nine-Tailed Fox

Chapter 1: Trial Day in Heaven

"But it's true, Heavenly Majesty. I was ordered to do it."

The guards had shackled my wrists in front of me and chained them to my ankles, making my shoulders hunch in a most unattractive manner, but I could work with that. I dipped my head so my hair tumbled over my cheeks and pulled my most piteous face. Given what I was, it was pretty piteous indeed.

Emphasis on the pretty.

And it worked: The Jade Emperor, who'd honored me by presiding over my trial in person, let me keep talking.

"Lady Fate, the Director of Allotted Lifespans, summoned me to tell me that the Lang Dynasty's time had come," I explained in my sweetest voice. "She ordered me to pave the way for a new dynasty. I'm just a lowly nine-tailed fox. How could I disobey?"

I peeked up at the throne, then darted a fake-timid glance at the crowd behind me. That earned me a cuff from one of the guards, but not before I got an impression of silk robes, decked with gems and embroidered sashes – and topped by contemptuous faces. Seemingly every god and goddess in existence had packed themselves into the Hall of Purple Mists, from the Duke of Thunder in the front row to the star sprite clerks squinting through the doorway at the back. Even the Dragon Kings of the Four Seas had flown up from their watery palaces and coiled around the columns for a better view. Trial day in Heaven was a flamboyant affair.

And, like everything else here, it was a sham.

Before me stood Lady Fate, her Three Cadavers arrayed at her back. One passed her a sheath of transcripts, which she made a show of flipping through until she came to a specific page. She pretended to reread it. "I did order you to 'pave the way for a new dynasty'," she announced at last, her eyes as black and blank as a corpse's. "However, I also ordered you not to interfere with the lifespans of any innocent bystanders."

I almost snorted, but changed it into a whimper at the last second. Blinking up at the Jade Emperor, I appealed, "But there were no innocent bystanders in that court."

"Not after you got through with it, there weren't," muttered the Duchess of Lightning, and murmurs of assent rose from the crowd.

Ha. That was true. Sort of. As Prime Minister, I had managed to, er, cleanse the government of any officials who might help it keep tottering along. All in the name of helping the dynasty reach its allotted lifespan, of course.

And because it was fun.

And tasty. I was a demon, after all.

Lady Fate pitched her voice to ring throughout the hall. "Your machinations also strangled the new dynasty in its cradle. Because of your treachery, the Son of Heaven murdered the man who was destined to found it."

Oh, yeah. That. But in my defense, she'd never told me which humans were important and should be left alive, no matter how annoyingly preachy they got.

"Your actions turned the shining Serican Empire, once a paragon of piety and grace, into a wasteland dominated by thieves, demons, and petty warlords."

Yeah, maybe.... Okay, not just maybe. Definitely. After the emperor's suicide, the surviving courtiers – the ones I'd let survive specifically for their corruption and incompetence, that was – had shredded the empire into feuding fiefdoms.

Angry mutters from the crowd. Ritual offerings to Heaven always decreased in quality and quantity during civil unrest. Doubtless the gods and goddesses were picturing lean decades ahead.