The True Confessions of a Nine-Tailed Fox

Chapter 110: The Magnificent Lychee Eating Contest

The instant the candle wick caught fire, the Earl of Black Crag seized a lychee. Because the fruits were so fresh – had just been shot from a tree, in fact – the shells were soft and pliable, not brittle as they often were by the time they reached the City of Dawn Song.

I watched in horrified fascination as he jabbed a thumbnail through the shell with no care for tidiness or aesthetics. When he broke the translucent flesh of the lychee too, clear juices welled up and flowed over his fingers. He ripped off the rest of the shell, dropped it onto the table, and popped the whole fruit into his mouth. He chewed and sucked the flesh off the pit, swallowed, and spat the pit into the waste basket.

From my perch on Floridiana's shoulder, I could smell the sweetness. Ooooh, I wanted a lychee! Despite all the time I'd spent in a place literally named Lychee Grove, I hadn't gotten a single bite yet.

"Don't you dare," Floridiana muttered out of the corner of her mouth.

I resettled my wings, which I hadn't even realized I'd begun to spread. Of course not. I was merely critiquing his peeling technique.

She didn't need to snort.

The Earl of Yellow Flame, on the other hand, was already lagging behind. He'd wasted precious seconds poking through the top layer of lychees in his basket to select a beautiful, round, red one. Then he'd delicately removed the stem, pulling it off to reveal the top of the pit. After that, using the tips of his nails, without breaking the flesh and spilling a single precious drop of juice, he'd removed the rest of the shell in one curling piece. Then he put the fruit into his mouth and chewed slowly to savor the flavors, covered his mouth with a hand to spit the pit into his palm, and finally dropped it into the basket.

Okay. Maybe refinement was overrated in an eating contest.

By this point, Black Crag was already tearing into his third lychee. Sticky juices dripped down his wrists onto his sleeves. Standing behind him and monitoring the scene for any untoward spells, his mage winced at the mess.

Why didn't you make peeling technique part of the victory condition? I hissed at Floridiana.

"Why didn't you say so earlier?" she retorted.

How do we get him to eat faster?

"We don't."

Floridiana obviously had no faith in Yellow Flame's ability gulp down his food. Probably because the man had never lacked for it a day of his life.

Since it was waaaay too late to try starving him now, I hunted for ways in which a mortal sparrow could slow down Black Crag.

I could...chirp at him and fly around his head in circles – but such blatant interference would only make him cry foul.

I could...sneak under his tunic and tickle him – but sparrows were too big. That was more something I could have pulled off as a bee, so many lives ago. Who'd have thought I'd miss White Tier?

Should I ask Bobo to speak to the bee queen? But Black Crag's mage would instantly recognize a bee spirit creeping into his liege lord's tunic.

So what else could I do?

I could...have Bobo do a weird dance behind Yellow Flame's back – aha!

I zipped over to the bamboo viper, who was watching the contest next to Dusty. Come on! We're going to do our ventriloquism act!