Softshell turtle? A softshell turtle???
Glitter wanted to reincarnate me as a softshell turtle? No. Absolutely not. Those things were disgusting.
Okay, fine, they looked perfectly all right when they were chopped up and cooked into soup – but only when they were chopped up and cooked into soup. The live ones? Ugh! I'd seen waaaay too many of those in Black Sand Creek. Some types of turtles had cute, friendly faces, but not softshell turtles. Oh, no. Out of saggy, stocking-like necks stuck triangular heads with bulging frog eyes and pointy snouts that terminated in piggy nostrils. Softshell turtles were also a hideous muddy greenish-grey all over, with weirdly blobby limbs protruding from round carapaces that somehow reminded me of slime. Really hostile slime.
Although, if I looked like that, I'd be angry all the time too.
Regardless, whenever I saw a softshell turtle, I felt an insane, irresistible compulsion to stomp on it. Which was kind of awkward when you were a fish and had no feet for stomping.
No! No no no! I won't do it! I won't go!
"Calm down, Piri," sighed Flicker.
Calm down? Calm down? How can I calm down? Have you seen softshell turtles? Do you know how disgusting they look???
Maybe because he wasn't in imminent danger of transforming into one, Flicker disagreed. "I do know what softshell turtles look like. Although they are not the most, uh, appealing creatures, their appearance is not as distressing as you seem to think it is. And I assure you, they do not look disgusting to one another."
That's because they're too dumb to know it!
Probably because it was true, Flicker looked over pointedly at the Tea of Forgetfulness. "It's only a problem for you because you insist on keeping your mind when you reincarnate. You'd be significantly happier if you didn't, you know." From his tone, he wasn't expecting me to surrender.
No, I shouted, I'd be significantly happier if you stopped reincarnating me as the ugliest animals in existence!
"Piri, how many times do I have to tell you that I am not the one who decides – "
A little thump against the door interrupted us. Through the thick wood, Cassia Quarta's soul shrilled, What's going on? Is everything okay?
So much for soundproofing.
Taking a deep breath and forcibly calming himself, Flicker called back, "Everything is fine, soul. We'll be done here in a moment. Please wait your turn."
But Mooncloud sounded really upset.
The doorknob rattled, as if bumped by a soft, squishy ball.
"Tell her you're all right," Flicker mouthed at me at the same time that I yelled, Of course I'm upset! They're reincarnating me as a softshell turtle!!!
Silence on the other side of the door. It went on for so long that Flicker started to relax.
Then Cassia Quarta yelped, A softshell turtle? But those are so ugly! Oh. Oh. Hmmm.
I could practically hear her casting about for something upbeat to say. Good luck with that.
Oh! she exclaimed. I remember eating turtle soup back when I was a princess! They're very tasty!
YOU ARE READING
The True Confessions of a Nine-Tailed Fox
FantasyAfter Piri the nine-tailed fox follows an order from Heaven to destroy a dynasty, she finds herself on trial in Heaven for that very act. Executed by the gods for the "crime," she is cast into the cycle of reincarnation, starting at the very bottom...
