By the time Floridiana, Bobo, Dusty, and I got there, the Earl of Black Crag and the queen's cousin were circling each other with swords drawn while indulging in that time-honored tradition of...trading insults.
"'Tis dimwitted, musclebound men like you, who believe that every dispute is best settled by blood, who are bringing the kingdom to ruin," the queen's cousin accused. Although his blade looked sharp enough, his motions were stiff and clumsy and totally unsuited to a duel to the death.
(A random thought: Was Jullia sacrificing her least favorite loyal cousin, perhaps?)
Prowling around the other man, the Earl retorted, "Nay, 'tis soft, useless courtiers like you, who have never done a single day of hard labor in your lives, who sit on plump, cushioned seats and gorge on delicacies all day, who are bringing the kingdom to ruin."
Well, it could have been worse. At least they were still addressing each other with the polite "you."
"Why canst thou not see that infighting serves only to weaken the kingdom in the face of a demon advance!"
"Why canst thou not see that giving nobles license to defy the Crown weakens the kingdom!"
Never mind then. They'd hit the "thou"-ing stage.
Bobo's head swiveled from one man to the other, and she blinked as she tried to follow their insults. "Is it jussst me, or do they want the sssame thing? For the kingdom to be ssstrong? Why are they fighting?"
Dusty blew out a long snort. "Sounds that way to me too. Isn't the dude who just said that you shouldn't let nobles defy the Crown, the one who's defying the Crown?"
Yep, I confirmed from my perch on Floridiana's shoulder. It's called hypocrisy.
She shot me a look, which I ignored.
We pushed past their retinues and into the dueling ring, causing the nobles to stop circling each other and face us with identical scowls. At the very least, our arrival had united them in outrage: How dare a bunch of commoners interrupt their fine tradition of hacking at each other with swords? How else were they going to prove which one Heaven supported?
I could have told them which one Heaven supported – neither. The gods and goddesses had far more interesting things to do than follow every frivolous duel on Earth. Like monitor royal chefs' culinary inventions, for example.
"Are you sssure this will work?" Bobo whispered, since Floridiana's pride wouldn't allow her to ask it.
Yes. All right, mage. You're up.
As I had coached her, Floridiana bowed, vaguely in between the Earl and the queen's cousin so she couldn't be accused of favoring one over the other. It helped that her tunic and leggings, so different in style from southern attire, marked her as an outsider.
One of the queen's Household Guards and the Earl's mage stepped forward at the same time to block us. "Halt. State your name and business," they said, almost in unison – and not on purpose either.
The mage sniffed and lifted his chin, the Household Guard went stone faced, and the two pointedly avoided looking at each other.
Floridiana struck her favorite dramatic pose, pressing one hand to her breast. "Honorable lords, my name is Floridiana, Mage and Headmistress of the East Serican Academy in Claymouth in the Kingdom of East Serica." (She made sure they could hear all the capitals.)
YOU ARE READING
The True Confessions of a Nine-Tailed Fox
FantasyAfter Piri the nine-tailed fox follows an order from Heaven to destroy a dynasty, she finds herself on trial in Heaven for that very act. Executed by the gods for the "crime," she is cast into the cycle of reincarnation, starting at the very bottom...
