Cold Feet

27, We've Just Began

TW; $uicide, OD mentions

Coraline

"Got time to spare me an explanation?"

My head turns to Thomas.

He looks terrible.

When was the last time this man slept?

I motion for him to come in and he sits opposite me on the bed.

"You have a lot to explain. Let's start with why" he blankly stares at me, a harsh tone present.

"It was for the best. I couldn't stay after that day, after what happened. It was too much"

He rolls his eyes and scoffs.

"Coraline, you left us all fucked. We had to put so much on hold-" I cut him off before he could finish.

"No. No you don't get to pull this card Thomas. There's no way I could have stayed here in the state I was in. I needed to put my focus on music"

"I'm happy for you and shit, but you could of at least told someone. Told me. Do you know how much blame I got for not stopping you? Victoria got all the comfort after having a breakdown seeing you leave. I got the whole blame, when I wasn't even awake. I trusted you with everything. I truly did. I'm glad you're back, and trust me Damiano didn't hear nice things from me after pushing you away today, but I wish with everything in me that you didn't leave" he raises his voice slightly. "You were my best friend"

I didn't know he felt this strongly about it.

But I had to go. Especially after the mess Marco and Sarah caused.

I don't see how I'm getting the blame though.

It was best off for me and Damiano to have time apart.

"But you see if I had of told you, I never would have been able to leave. After Marco and Sarah, it wouldn't have been fair for me to still be here after what they done. Did you know that Sarah practically used you? She was sleeping with Marco the whole time. For years, actually. I couldn't stay for the sake of my own mental health. You think Damiano would have been able to handle the fact that I was still in the house if I didn't go? I don't understand how you can blame me for this when I wasn't the one who done wrong. Don't you remember how you had to pull him off me? No ones the victim here, but I was more wronged. I know none of this was his fault, but it still happened. And i still got hurt. So please, take a look into my side and how much this affected me". I hate to have to be this blunt and rude, but I don't see any other way for him to actually understand that it was in my best interest as well as anyone else's to leave.

What made everyone so mad at me all of a sudden? We hurt each other just as much, but he was never physically hurt by me at least.

Ethan didn't take everything out on me or mention anything. If anything, he's the only one who seems happy I'm back. But in saying that, I wasn't as close with him before with him being away mostly.

I wish I could just rewind everything to go back to how it was.

Part of me wishes I had of stayed in the bathroom that day. But then he still could have went through with his plan if he wasn't confronted.

I understand that everyone's upset over what happened, but why am I getting the blame?

They can't possibly think I'm the reason for this whole incident?

Thomas knows as well as anyone about the type of stuff Damiano has to deal with on a daily.

"Thomas, you don't believe he done this over me, do you?" I trail off.