Anchor- A JJ Maybank Fanfic

22. The Troubled Kook

TW WARNING: MENTIONS OF ABUSE, INCEST RELATED TOPICS

The Troubled Kook:
--------------------------
(FLASHBACK)
♧︎T̥ͦo̥ͦp̥ͦp̥ͦe̥ͦr̥ͦ'̥ͦs̥ͦ P̥ͦO̥ͦV̥ͦ♧︎

It's been a week since Mer and I broke up. For a week I sat on my bed, staring blankly into space as I replayed the whole breakup scene in my head. The cruel words my mother and step-cousin have said to her; the look Star gave me when I told her I hated Pogues and then soon found out that she was one. My mother slapped me because I told Mer that I loved her. It was too much to handle.

And then in seconds, she's gone. Meredith's gone. Fuck, I despised my mother and Lily for it. If Lily just left us alone, this would've never happened. I would've kept her here. She would still be mine. The hot anger inside me increased every time I remembered it. Mer's is mine to keep, no one should take her away from me.

She's mine. She's mine. She's mine.

Is it wrong to love a Pogue? Is it wrong to love someone who lives less than me? Someone who is poor and that has a smaller life than me? "𝑇ℎ𝑒𝑦 𝑑𝑒𝑝𝑒𝑛𝑑 𝑜𝑛 𝑢𝑠," my mother had explained it multiple times to me when I was younger, "𝑇ℎ𝑒𝑦 𝑑𝑒𝑝𝑒𝑛𝑑 𝑜𝑛 𝑢𝑠 𝑡𝑜 𝑠𝑢𝑟𝑣𝑖𝑣𝑒. 𝑇ℎ𝑒 𝑜𝑛𝑙𝑦 𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑜𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑦 𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑒𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑜𝑓 𝑜𝑢𝑟 ℎ𝑎𝑛𝑑𝑠 𝑖𝑠 𝑏𝑒𝑐𝑎𝑢𝑠𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑦 ℎ𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑛𝑜𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑡𝑜 𝑒𝑎𝑡 𝑓𝑟𝑜𝑚. 𝐴𝑛𝑑 𝑤ℎ𝑒𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑦 𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑑𝑖𝑠𝑔𝑟𝑎𝑐𝑒𝑓𝑢𝑙, 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑦 𝑤𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑 𝑎𝑙𝑤𝑎𝑦𝑠 𝑡𝑟𝑦 𝑡𝑜 𝑡𝑎𝑘𝑒 𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑦 𝑠ℎ𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑 𝑓𝑟𝑜𝑚 𝑢𝑠 𝑏𝑒𝑐𝑎𝑢𝑠𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑦 𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑔𝑟𝑒𝑒𝑑𝑦."

Is that why Mer dated me? Was I so blinded in love with her that I didn't see the signs? How could someone as perfect as Mer would go for a Kook like me? What did I have? The money that I have in my pockets isn't mine. I didn't earn this rich life. I never asked for it. No, no, stop Topper, you're thinking like a Pogue. Be grateful you aren't living in a shithole.

But is it wrong that I'd rather be in that shithole with Mer? Is it really wrong that I love her? I wasn't lying about what I said at the lighthouse. Hell, I risked everything when I broke in there with Mer. There was something about her since the first day that I saw her that made me feel like I could do anything.

God, I already pictured a future with Mer. I already picked out our kid's names and their kids names. I planned that after we graduated high school, we would go straight to marriage and move our life somewhere in South America. We would live in one of the rainforests and dance in the rain while the heat consumed us.

It would've been me and her. My Starlight. But she lied to me. Star lied about her background and her whole identity. I felt betrayed by that. That Mer says she's like me, but then became the thing I hated the most. How can you trust someone after that?