Anchor- A JJ Maybank Fanfic

5. The Drive

Y'all better put your seatbelts on. It's gonna be one bumpy ride... PUN FUCKING INTENDED.

The Drive:
__________

In the rearview mirror, I saw Santana passed out in the backseat, her mouth wide open, laying her head onto the headrest. I grip tightly onto the wheel, trying to control my nerves. JJ gazed out the window, not wanting to communicate with me.

We were both silent, unsure what to say to each other. The truth is, there's nothing left to tell; it is evident that JJ didn't want to do anything with me. I was probably some girl who he thought was easy to get in bed with.

I was the slut, after all.

I couldn't help but feel disappointed and ashamed of the choices I made. I knew I should've listened to my intentions that day.

The road started to look familiar, making me build this nostalgic feeling. I switched my attention towards the gigantic houses on the side of the road, hoping I could spot the one I was looking for from the darkness. And there it was, sitting tall and stiffly on the hills.

Topper's house.

I slowed the pedal a little to examine the building. A couple of lights were off, but the lights from the second floor were still on. His room light was still on.

I watched the grand structure as it passes by down JJ's window. My breathing pace increases; I gripped hard onto the steering wheel, hoping JJ doesn't notice my frustration. I didn't want him to see me like this, not now.

Suddenly, the anger, the misery, and the apprehension drown me, and I couldn't swim out of it. I wanted to scream; I wanted to let it all out; I desired to turn this car around and stop at Topper's house, demanding to know why he did what he did. 

I showed him all of me. I revealed to him the parts of me that I've felt most insecure about, the portions of myself that I'd never uncovered to anyone. The details printed on my body and soul that I trusted him with.

And he took advantage of that.

And then shared that power with the world.

If that wasn't enough, to add the period to the unfinished sentence, to pop the answer to the complicated equation, Topper not only stole my identity from me but the love that I offered to give. And then dared lend my affection...onto her.

Unexpectedly, tears began to stream down my face. I tried to wipe them away, but I couldn't control them; they appeared independently. My brain decided to become cruel and began to project memories of Topper and me. Times where I felt safe in his arms, where it felt like it was only him and I against the world.

My brain illustrated moments where it felt like time agreed on slowing itself down so that Topper and I would stay in magical moments together a little bit longer.

There's no way I could drive like this, like a fucking wreck mess. I swerved the car to the side of the road and parked it. I could feel JJ glancing towards me, probably confused as to why we stopped.

But I didn't care, or I couldn't focus on anything else at this very moment. I placed my head onto the steering wheel, breathing as much air as possible and trying to calm my nerves down.

The memory of the lighthouse started to display in my mind. The remembrance of that day was the one that pealed my heart into pieces without mercy. It wasn't because he announced that he loved me at the most romantic moment I've ever been in. It wasn't because he promised that he'd never leave me no matter what life brings us. It wasn't because he swore that I could always count on him at my difficult moments.