Anchor- A JJ Maybank Fanfic

29. The Predictable Astonishment

The Predictable Astonishment
———————————-

♡︎♡︎♡︎ᗰᗴᖇᗴᗪITᕼ'ᔕ ᑭOᐯ♡︎♡︎♡

I don't know why, but I'm scared. No, I'm terrified. I locked the house and shook the handle to make sure it was truly locked. I walked down the steps, gripping onto my keychain. The pain between my legs was still there, but not as extreme as before.

JJ was already in the car. I see him looking down at his phone. A troubled look crosses his face as he places it on his ear. While that was happening, my phone buzzed in my pocket. I pulled it out to see that Santana was the one calling me.

I roll my eyes as I decline the call once more. Can't she take a hint already? I know I can't avoid her forever, but I'm still pissed that she told JJ about the video without my consent.

I place my phone back into my pocket. Looking up at JJ, he seems like he's...stunned. He stares ahead but doesn't look at me. His mouth was slightly open as he held his phone to his ear. His eyes were wide as if he couldn't believe what he was hearing.

I walk toward the driver's side of the car. I reach out to pull the handle of the door, but once I do, JJ immediately turns off his phone and places it on his thigh facing downwards. I climbed into the car and closed the door. I eye the phone on his lap first before looking up at him. His expression was hard to read. JJ's jaw clenched tightly as he stared ahead.

"Hey," I said, "Is everything okay?" JJ nods but doesn't look at me. The clouded thoughts in his brain suddenly reached his eyes. I couldn't tell if he was mad, annoyed, or scared. But none of those options were good anyways. I rest my right hand on his, but once we make physical contact, his fingers tremble away from mine and he rests it on top of his phone.

Embarrassment crawls on my skin. I wish I hadn't done that. I don't even know why I care in the first place. If JJ doesn't want to talk about it, then he doesn't have to. Maybe that phone call was personal or something. Besides, why should I care? It's not like I'm his girlfriend and he has to tell me everything that's going on.

I'm not his girlfriend. I'm not his. So why does my heart burn a little just by acknowledging that?

JJ sighs as he grabs my hand back and places it on his lap, "I'm sorry, I don't even know why I did that."

I shake my head, "No, it's okay, you didn't do anything wrong." JJ still doesn't look at me, which makes me anxious. Was that Kie again? Did she say something to piss him off? I don't want to ask, but it's so damn tempting.

JJ grips my fingers as he circles his thumb around my hand. The small gesture sets my heart on fire. Our skin to skin contact created an invisible fog of heat to fill in the space between us. Breathe, Meredith, Breathe. JJ looks down at our fingers and smiles a little, "Can I keep doing this until we get there, please?" He asks in a gentle voice, "It feels nice."

I tried to keep a straight face. It takes everything in me to not smile as big as I want to. It takes everything in me to not hold him the way I want to. It takes everything in me to not tell him that I would cut my whole arm off just so he could find peace with it. Okay, too far, but still. I give JJ the most subtle smile I could do and nod, "Yes, of course, but are you okay?"

JJ finally raises his eyes to meet mine and his smile grows bigger, "I am now."

Warmth burns through my cheeks. I try so hard not to break my lips into a smile. I move my eyes to the steering wheel and pray that JJ didn't see my colored face. My heart starts to pound against my chest. Why am I acting like this? I don't act this way toward Pope or John B. My chest begins to warm up as I start the car and head onto the road.