Anchor- A JJ Maybank Fanfic

31. The Known Criminal

The Known Criminal:

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♥︎♥︎♥︎𝕁𝕁'𝕊 ℙ𝕆𝕍♥︎♥︎♥︎

I took a hit of my pen, letting myself drown in weed. I laid on John B's pullout bed from the couch. Fuck, how I've missed this bed. It was the only thing closer to home for me. This bed was all that I'd known. I loved it. If I could marry it, I would. This sweet nice comfy bed that I've slept in multiple times. I close my eyes, loving this bed more and more.

Why am I getting attached to a pullout bed? Jesus fuck. I bring the pen to my mouth and inhaled hard, trying to get as much weed as I can into my system.

I don't want to feel. I just want to turn all of my emotions off. I don't want to think about what happened at The Wreck. I don't want to think about the way Lily clung to me as if we were still dating.

Or the way Mer reacted when Santana told her about the redhead.

Fuck, weed won't fix this. I need alcohol. I place the pen inside my pocket, got up from the bed, and walked to the kitchen. I felt extremely lightheaded, but whatever.

John B was in the shower whereas Big John was hanging out with Ward. John B and I haven't said more than three sentences to each other after Kie said that he and Lily hung out on that damn trip.

"Thanks for making the trip fun, Johnny."

Flashbacks came surging in and the nostalgic feeling of pain and betrayal begins to cling to my chest. I don't want it. Unwanted memories invade my thoughts, eating away my sanity. Rethinking about how John B was on her like that makes me sick every single time. Even if he didn't mean to.

I grabbed whatever bottle was in the fridge and took a swing. In five seconds, it was empty. I throw it in the trash and let the alcohol shove my emotions down to my stomach.

I hear John B turn off the shower. Him and I haven't spoken to each other yet. I'm scared to talk to him, but I'll never show it on my face. Part of me wanted to ask John B what Lily meant by that, but I don't want to know.

Lily.

I hated how gorgeous she looked today. How her hair was always shiny and smooth beneath her flawless skin. How her clothes perfectly hugged her body when she walked in. How soft her hands were when she hugged me-.

No. No. No.

She's not worth it. She's not worth it.

She's.
Not.
Worth.
It.

Denying that I heard her voice when she called me today was one thing. "Hey, Bunny." I shudder at the memory of her sweet voice echoing the phone.

But denying her beauty and touch was another.

After Mer left, all I remember was the overlaps of conversation. Confusion was like a disease, how it bounced from one person to the next. Question after question nonstop. John B and I were the only ones who hadn't said anything.

I didn't have the strength to look at him or anywhere else after Mer sprinted out. Mer. My heart feels heavy in my chest remembering the way she left. She hasn't answered my texts or calls. Anxiety grows in my stomach with every second that I haven't heard from her.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Please, Merrie, please come back to me.

"Fuck!" I shout. My emotions are all over the place. Why is it that I know Lily is terrible for me, but I keep-. Ugh.