She's The Artist

| Chapter 6: I Don't Need It |

(Listen to song at the top!)

Warning: Mentions of Pills, Body Image, Mental Health Issues. 

♫ ♪ ♫

I'm in water.

The water is clam and relaxing. Easing my nerves.

It's so blue and tropical. Just like the ocean.

The sky. It's a different colour.

More like pink and yellow. Or orange and red.

But, it's there. And it's beautiful.

Well, was, beautiful.

Now it's dark and lonely. Just like a hole.

Now I look back at the water, it's a dark, dark blue colour. Almost black.

I look around. I'm alone. No sand, no land, no nothing but just water. And me.

But, there's something.

Something behind me.

It's giving off heat and. . . darkness.

The darkness. The devil.

I look down into the water, it's a black hole. It's my own hell.

It's my own personal hell.

I try to swim away from the hole under me. But, there's a hand.

A very, very big hand.

With a ring.

I turn around and see my worst fear. My brother.

He looks sad.

He looks lonely.

He looks dead.

"It's because I am dead. . ."

I shoot up from my bed and immediately look around.

Shit. I forgot to take my pills.

I lean over to the nightstand and pull my phone off charge. Looking at the time, it's 4:36 am.

I place my phone back down and take my water and chug it down. Feeling dehydrated.

Once I place my glass back on the nightstand, I get out of bed and head to the bathroom.

I open the door and turn on the lights. I look through the cabinets to find my night pills, so I don't have to wake up in the middle of the night full of sweat and panting like a dog.

I find them and pick them up. but I pause.

I drank, I can't take them.

I throw the pills back into the cabinet and close it.

As I turn to walk out, I catch myself in the mirror.

My eyes look bloodshot and big. There are also big black bags under my eyes that not even makeup can cover it. My skin looks pale and lifeless. Like I didn't get any sun in my whole life. My hair looks like a mess on top of my head but that's not the problem, it's the colour and the way it used to look full of life. It's now a dark blonde colour that looks like I haven't washed it in years. It looks worn out. Then last but not least, we have my body. It's long and skinny. Not that that's the problem. It's the way I have completely given up. I've given up.