She's The Artist

| Chapter 35: I Need This |

{ PLEASE LISTEN TO SONG AT THE TOP }

WARNING: MATURE CONTECT

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Who hurt you, Alex?

Ethan's words ring in my head. Making me dizzy. This is not how it was supposed to go. He was supposed to push me away and never see me again. He was supposed to call me names, and even get a hit on me if anything.

Why would he place his big, soft hands on my face, and ask who hurt me? Why would he do that? Doesn't he hate me?

I sure as hell hate myself. I hate myself so much that I can't even think about the fact that I'm still letting him in. Still letting him care for me well I don't even deserve it. Because I don't.

I don't deserve him being here, with his hands on my cheeks and asking me who hurt me. I don't deserve his presents almost every day that I see him. I don't even deserve these bits of kindness that pop up out of nowhere.

I haven't even responded to what he asked. I couldn't even think of what to say. What would I say? That everyone that I cared about hurt me? That the only person I truly loved hurt me? That I can't love or care about anyone because of how my past want? So, what exactly do I say to him?

How about that you don't need him. That your just using him for your own pleasure. Because that's what this is. Your selfish pleasure. 

I wince hard. Maybe I am using him for my own selfish reasons. Maybe if I just use him for what I need, this feeling will be gone. It has to be.

I place my hands over Ethans, feeling his soft but rough knuckles under my figures. I run my nails over them. Feeling the times they have been cut open and scarred. The feeling of them just makes this idea so much more likeable.

I lift my glaze to Ethans. I don't think I need words to tell him what I want. If he can just read my eyes. See how much I want him right now, it would be enough.

But I guess he hasn't. I only know because the tilt of his head to the side, and his thumb rubbing softly up and down my right cheek gives it all away. He wants me to speak what I want.

And I have no problem doing it.

"Ethan. A lot of people hurt me. But the only way for you to help me with that, is if we get the hell out of here, and make me forget." I whisper lowly. Sending heats of self-pleasure low to my belly. Increasing how much more I want this.

Ethan eye's me for a second, taking me in all vulnerable and needy. If he rejects me right now, I have no idea what I'll do. Most likely kill him if anything.

"Are you sure?" he asks low and deep. Making him sound so much hotter in the moment. This is driving me crazy. I need him to say yes.

"Yes. Please." I breath. More like pant. God, I really want this.

Ethan looks me deep in the eye's, pulls me as close as we can be, and says,

"Well then. How could I refuse you when you need me the most. But, I'm warning you. I won't go easy."

I think I died and came back to life.

Hey Readers!

It's been to long let me tell you. but, I'm working on myself so that's why I've gone for so long.

I will talk about this more in the next chapter because yes, I am double posting just for you guys.

See you soon!