She's The Artist

| Chapter 34: Everything That Hurts |

{ PLEASE LISTEN TO SONG AT THE TOP }

WARNING: MENTIONS OF DRUGS, DRINKING, DEATH, AND SEXUAL, VERBAL, AND PHYSICAL ASSAULT!

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I don't how long it's been. Maybe it's been hours. Maybe it's been minutes. Or even seconds. But once I asked him what he wanted, and had looked into his eyes, I can't tell time.

I didn't even see anything around me moving. Or even hearing if anyone was talking. All I saw was his eyes. Those eyes that held so many promises and secrets that my body just wanted to chase after them. Expose them to me. His eyes would do that. Make you fall to his feet.

But I know everyone has a darkness within them. I mean look at me. I have a lot of darkness in me. Lots of secrets that seem like they would hurt someone else more than they have me.

The thing is, I couldn't really care about me right now. All I wanted to do was found out what Ethan wanted. What he needed from me.

But since we seem to have just forgotten to talk, I asked him again.

"Ethan, what the hell do you want?" I couldn't help but sigh. I didn't even break eye contact with him. I was to tried and too vulnerable to even care. All I wanted to do was go home and sleep away the rest of the night. Sleep away my problems.

You can't keep running from everything. 

Sam's words came back to me like a big ass slap in the face. Taunting me like a witch's cures. Trapping me into a corner I don't know how to get out of.

See, if someone else would have said that to me, I wouldn't give a fuck. But knowing that it came from Sam, my best friend, hits something different. Hits a nerve that's never been hit in a long time. Failure.  

I failed to keep my best friend happy. I placed all my BS on him and didn't think what he would have to do to get it for me. Or even just keeping him happy. He left his life behind to come and help me. Be there for me.

I don't even remember the last time he has ever placed his shit on me.

It was like a wave of new emotions just hit me in that moment. Failure. Pain. Sadness. Anger. Disgust. Everything bad just hit me. Pushed me back. 

I didn't even notice I had stumbled back a little until I hit something behind me. I finally broke away from Ethan's eyes and saw what I stumbled on. A can.

This is way you should stay away from him. He makes you think about how much of a failure you are to everyone. How much you shouldn't even be here. . .

"Alex." I heard Ethan say but it sounded distanced. Far away. All I could focus on were the ringing in my ears. The pain in my chest. The shaking of my hands.

I quickly shoved my shaking hands behind my back. I hadn't brought a coat and I know Ethans going to want to talk for a while so I might as well just try and calm myself down. But I know nothing will work.

This isn't going to end well. 

I looked back to Ethan. Gave him my best fake smile to hind the pain. And said,

"Yes?"

"Why did you run off the stage when you saw me?"

"That really is none of your business, is it?"

Lies. Lies. Lies. 

"Well, I think I have the right to know. You were looking at me after all."