She's The Artist

| Chapter 33: To Much At Once |

{LISTEN TO SONG AT THE TOP}

WARNING: FLASH BACK CHAPTER

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Desire. Pleasure. Bliss. Need. All can mean the same thing.

Now, I've had my fair share of each let me tell you. But no man has ever come close to how Ethan Perez has made me feel all four of those words. Well, more I hate to say.

Okay. I might have just jumped ahead a bit too much for my liking. But, when it comes to who I desire the most at this moment in time, it would be him. All of him.

He is everything you can most likely dream of. His fine-ass body under his black and simple NYC style. His lickable abs that just makes me want to run my tongue on every part of his muscles. Especially his V-line. His blackest of black, soft hair that I just want to run my fingers through all hours of the day. His lips. God, those kissable lips. But most of all, his eyes. Man, his eye's are the best part of all. They tell who he is.

So, from that very detailed info that I just spilled, I want him. Bad. 

But unfortunately, I haven't seen him from our last. . . encounter? No. More like me leaving his ass because I was scared.

I was so scared if I'm being honest. Only because I've moved to many times, and been caught to many times to not be scared. If they find me this time around, there could be no more places to hind anymore. They would make me face the truth. Make me tell them everything I know. They would hurt me. Again.

Just like they did your mom.

My conscience has a funny way of showing herself when I really don't want her to.

If you would only listen to my God damn voice. Listen to what I've been saying all along. You and your brother wouldn't be in the scene you are in now. Your brother would have still been alive. And you, would have been safe from them. You know that.

Well, fuck you conscience. 

But she does have a fair point. If I had just listened to her in the first place, would I be here? Would I still be at home living my life how it was supposed to be? With my family? With Sam not dealing with all this bullshit because of me? With me living my dream? With my brother by my side? With my dad still alive? With maybe even Ethan?

You could have had all of that if it wasn't for you and your stupid stubbornness.

Talk about a hit to the gut of you ask me. 

But in all seriousness, she's right. 100% right. And that, to me, is terrifying.

Terrifying because, if I had just went back after him, this all right now, would have never happened. 

Flash back:

It was around late lunch when I heard the front door open and close. I didn't know if it was my brother or my mom that had come back first. It would most likely be my mom.

I was just sitting upstairs in my room going over my lines for the big preforms that night. I had gotten an offer to sing Infront of three very important people who could get me going into the singing world. My dream.

So, when I heard that door open and close, I ran down the stairs as fast as I could and couldn't wait to tell my mom how much I had been practicing. But I didn't find my mom like I thought. I found my brother.

I was more excised to tell him then my mother. He was the one who had helped me every day before this day and I loved him for that. I loved him too much sometimes.