She's The Artist

| Chapter 10: What Happened? |

(Play the song at the top)

Warning: Mental Health, Anxiety

♫ ♪ ♫

I can't help but think what my life would be like if my brother haven't gone missing. Would I be happier than I am now? Would I be here on the sidelines waiting to be called on stage? Would I still have the big happy family that I used to have?

I can't help but wonder what life would be like if that could happen. But I know for a fact that I would have a way better mental state then I do now.

As you can tell, my head is fucked up. I'm fucked up.

But, I have to learn to live with the fact that my past is my past. I can't stress on the fact that I'm not the girl that I once was. I will never be that girl again.

But God, do I envy her every God damn day for how happy she was. How happy I was.

Every day of my old life was perfect. I had loving parents that helped me with anything I needed help with. They would bring me out anywhere I asked. They would also give so much love like I was the only thing that they would ever love. They did love me. I know that. Not only did they love and support me, but they did the same to my loving brother.

Now, my brother was a year older than me and parents still loved him the way they did me. I never envied him of how much love they would give. I knew they loved us the same. Equal.

Well, they did.

I'm snaped out of my thoughts by the sound of a microphone being tipped on.

You got this; you can do this. This is your night, not his.

"Can we please give a warm welcome to our guest singer tonight. . .Alex White."

Stepping onto the open stage, my face turns blank, void of emotes and I don't let it show.

As I reach the mic, I turn my face up to the crowd and look around.

Good turnout.

I turn my head to the left and nod my head to the pianist and turn back around to the crowd.

As the beat starts to play, I get sucked into the world where music is my only escape.

'Close enough to start a war
All that I have is on the floor
God only knows what we're fighting for
All that I say, you always say more

I can't keep up with your turning tables
Under your thumb I can't breathe

This was me and my mom's favorite song. . .

'So, I won't let you close enough to hurt me
No, I won't rescue you to just desert me
I can't give you what you think you gave me
It's time to say goodbye to turning tables
To turning tables

Under haunted skies I see you, ooh-ooh
Where love is lost your ghost is found
I braved a hundred storms to leave you
As hard as you try, no I will never be knocked down
I can't keep up with your turning tables
Under your thumb I can't breathe

So, I won't let you close enough to hurt me
No, I won't rescue you to just desert me
I can't give you what you think you gave me
It's time to say goodbye to turning tables
Turning tables