She's The Artist

| Chapter 12: Overwhelmed |

(Listen to the song at the top!)

Warning:  Flashback, Mental Health, Mentions of Self-Harm

♫ ♪ ♫

As I open the door to the apartment, I look around.

This will never be my home. Nowhere will. I'll always be moving around. Never staying in one place because I'm a coward. I run away from my problems. Every. Single. Time.

I walk to the kitchen counter and place- No, more like slim all my things down.

I'm so pissed at myself!

"Running. That's all I do. Run, run, run, run. . . Run!" I yell at myself.

Your right. And you'll never change. You'll be that same little bitch that you were before. When YOU killed your brother.

"I killed my brother. . ."

The realization hits me in the face like a ton of bricks.

Flashback:

"I through you were coming with. You know. . . like you always do?" It was more of a question then anything.

"Listen Alex. You know that I always come to watch you perform. Always. Am I right?" He questions.

I nod.

"I have to do this. If I don't. . ." he trails off. Deep in though.

"You know what? It's fine. Don't come. I don't need you there. I don't need you anymore. . ." I whispered the last part still knowing that he would hear it.

He needed to hear it. I was mad.

"Really? You don't need me anymore, do you?" he looks at me with disbelief.

I don't answer.

"So what? You're a big girl now? Don't need your older brother anymore? The one who takes time out their life to make sure you get what you need? Gets you to eat? To go to school? To sing? No, I see. You really don't need me."

"Yeah, I really don't. You're wasting your time with me. I know you don't want to hang out with your boring, time consuming, little brat of a sister! I don't even want to hang out with me either! I can see why you hate her." I turn around and sit on my bed.

"Alex. that's not what I sai-"

"Then what were you going to say! Huh?! I know that I'm a lot sometimes. And I hate myself for that. But. . . that's me. And you right now saying that you do everything for me and throwing it my face is not helping! So yes, I don't need you! If anything, you need me because you're a piece of shit who never really cared about me! So. . . Fuck you Jack!" I didn't even know I was crying until I felt tears hitting my chest.

Jack looked at me with nothing. Well really, he looked heartbroken. To know that he's little sister had said all that BS to him. And I knew none of it was true.

"Well. . . If that's how you feel. . ." with that, he turned around and walked away. Out my door and at that moment I knew, I had lost him.

That's when I chased after him.

End Of Flashback.

I can't believe I really though I didn't just kill him.

That night was the night he never came home. I never saw him again. And those few days that passed, I was in denial. Big denial. But, I want on with life. Like nothing happened. Like he would walk back in that door and be he's normal happy self.

God, how I was so wrong.

I left my hand up to my face to feel the tears that have fallen. My real emotions.

Not only that, but to find myself on the floor. Looking straight ahead of me. With nothing.

I haven't been and felt like this in so long. This uncomforted, throwing up feeling in my whole-body telling me that I'm sick.

Not physically. but mentally sick. As in, I need to be put into a big white room with a straight jacket on.

I don't know what to do anymore.

So. . .

I screamed.

A painful, emotionally heart-to-heart scream. One's that you hear in those movies when your loved one dies. The one's that you hear when your heart breaks. And the one that you hear when you give up to the pain.

I've given up. Fully.

I didn't even remember leaving my door open when I hear footsteps running into kitchen. Heavy footsteps. Not only one pair, but three pairs.

I see a shadow of a person running up to me. I don't get up from my position on the floor nor do I look up.

I feel like I'm not connected to my body. Like I'm physically here. But my mind is somewhere else.

I feel two fingers left my chin up. Making me look at them.

"What happened?" The person asks softly.

More tears fall from my eyes.

I try to look down but the person doesn't let me.

"Alex. What happened?" They ask again.

But all I can do is cry. I don't even care if they see me cry anymore. I'm so done with this life.

I want to disappear. . .

The last thing that I wanted to think of, happened. I said it. I said I wanted to disappear. And maybe, I'll do that. . .

"I'm. . . sorry." Is the last thing I remember saying before I pass out.

I let the darkness take over. Hoping that it will take everything away for a while.

WOW, Wow, WOW!!

Its been a hot minute sense i have uploaded. Thats on me tho u guys know school and stuff but I also got an exam to do tomorrow so yeahh....

Buttt i will be uploading a lot more.

Just you wait and see....😈

So, what did u think of this chapter? tell me how ur feeling or just.... spill really.

Anyways,

Quote of the day: 'Be you for you. Not for the person you think might want you to'

Have a great day and see u soon! :)