She's The Artist

| Chapter 23: Both Our Demons |

(Listen to song at the top!)

Warning: Mentions Of Self-Harm, Drugs (Meds) 

♫ ♪ ♫

Pain. A word used a lot in one's life time.

Pain can be many things. Pain from burning yourself on accident. Pain from losing a childhood pet. Or, pain of a loved one. . .

Pain comes in all different types of forms. Even times. But, I guess my time to truly feel pain, is now.

It's been four days scene I found out about my brothers death. It's also been the worst four days of my life.

Sam and I got back from my hometown yesterday. Nothing was said at all. But all I could think about was three things. . .

My brother, life, and the letter.

Obviously, I did get the letter from the couple. They told me that they found it in his inside jacket pocket. . . covered in his blood. But, I'm not going to read it.

Not until the time is right. 

So now, I'm currently sitting in my apartment, on the floor, with all my meds.

All the pill bottles emptied. Pills all over the floor. Everywhere. I can't even tell what med is what.

I'm so tempted to just grad one of each kind and just. . . finish it.

But, I can't. And I know I can't.

He told me not to. To go thought the pain one more time for him. And I promised myself that I would. No matter how many times I want to, I promised that I would keep fighting. Fight against the urges. Fight against the demons. Not only mine but, his.

But sometimes, I found myself trapped. Trapped in my mind of dark thoughts. Sometimes, the demons take over. Letting them do what they want. Or sometimes, I'm there with them.

I also, haven't slept. Not even one full hour of sleep. I can't. When I sleep, it's like hell coming alive right in front of me.

I've tried. believe me, I have. But every time my eye's close his dead, cold body comes to view. It makes me sick.

Seeing your brother dead every time, over and over and over again is like a broken record. Repeating. Not only when I try to sleep, it's all the time now.

Laying there, in pain, bleeding, beat, drained. . . hopeless. That's all I see.

But then, I remember all the other times, the happier times of him and I. going out for ice cream, running around the house laughing around. Those are the times I envy the most.

Sitting here though, thinking about everything all over again, is better then facing anyone right now.

As I try and crawl my way to my liquor stash, a load banging sound comes from my door.

What the fuck do people want! 

 ignore it and grip a bottle of vodka and open it. Leaning back on the wall and taking a big swig from it. Letting it burn it's way down my throat giving me the pleasure I want.

And then, like a fucking bull, my door gets kicked open.

I don't even look at the door. I just look ahead of me. Spaced out.

Next thing I know, there's three big ass people standing in front of me. Blocking my view of anything.

Fucking bitch ass motherfuckers.  

"Alex. . ." The one in the middle says, crouching down to my level to see me.

I try to look at them but my vison is shit from all the crying and drinking I've been doing. . .

"Um. . . she looks like crap, dude." the one to the right says.

I really wish I had the strength or a care to give to punch this bitch in the face.

I just scoff and turn my head back to the side, looking now at my trashed living room. It really was nice before.

"Alex, are you. . ." and that's all I heard before I turned him off. I really would just like to be alone. With my thoughts to myself. Forever. . .

But then, I feel his hand on my cheek. Lightly stroking my right side. Like I'm a feather. Or, an object. With one touch, I would disappear.

I know who this is now.

I left my eye's up to find exactly who it is. Ethan motherfucking Preze.

I know those beautiful eye's from anywhere. That soft but rough touch of his. The way my skin feels when he touch's me like that.

The way he makes me feel. . .

I grip his hand and pull it down softly. Telling him I'm here and I know who he is.

I definitely know who it is. 

Hellooo everyone!

I hope you guys liked this chapter! I can't wait for me to post the next one. That one is just. . . 

Anyways. . .

Let me know what you think and remember to smile because your awesome!

I hope you guys have a great day! See you soon! :)