You Can Paint Me

Chapter 29 (Part 1)

'Dear Diary,

I'm so sorry, that I haven't written to you, since I was 13 years old...'

Uhh... Am I seriously going to do this?

I let my hand drop the pen on my desk and run my fingers through my messy hair.

Like, I think that I've written on my diary once and I really don't think is sane, that I'm even apologizing to it.

Okay, nevermind. I really need to take these things out of my chest, so moving on.

I picked up the pen again and with a deep intake of oxygen, I proceeded writting my inner thoughts.

'A lot of things have happened in my life lately, that I'm not going to write down, because I really want to get into the point and also, it will be very boring for me to do a recap of everything.
So, let's just say that, life was pretty normal and actually, quite boring. Not until, a group of eight crackheads joined in.
Hanging around with them, I discovered many things about myself. However, I don't know whether I discovered them now or they were already there, but I hadn't realised before.'

Oh, Gosh. I'm being too philosophical here, I need to calm my horses.

Chill girl, you are not writing an essay, you won't get a mark out of this.

'I know that it might seem too deep, but let me explain.
For example, I knew that I was a regular girl, who had a regular crush on a regular, talented and beautiful guy. My self five months ago would kill to be in the situation that I was in the last two weeks, being drawn by him and being a muse for him, but... I realised that, I actually don't have feelings for him anymore...
And at this point, I don't know whether my feelings for him were an illusion or just an admiration towards him, but it's concerning, because if I don't have a crush on him, then what is wrong with me?
I mean, the boy is perfect and he should be the only boy I should have a crush on.