Insomniacs (#1)

5. rain

Sleep. I don't get much of it.

I'm ridden with the inability to gain a full night's sleep and have been since I was a kid. I can't sleep for days on end until my body is quite literally neared the brink of collapse. That's when I'll get a good few hours.

Yet I find comfort in the night. I can't help but admire the beauty of its blackness, its stars and moon. When the world around my dimly lit room's engulfed in darkness, I feel oddly safe. Protected. Encased.

And especially on nights when an icy breeze nips at your skin and you can see the trail of autumn leaves on sidewalks.

The moon was in my sight, barely even a sliver. A thin, thin crescent high up between the peppered stars. The breeze brushed its way against the trees, rocking them back and forth gently but asides from that, it was beautifully quiet.

Most of my nights were spent trying to distract myself from boredom. Reorganising my room every few nights, reading the few books about anatomy I've practically memorised, spinning around in my chair with music in my ears, depleting my stock of olives. Showering and letting warm water slip down my body just to pass time, letting the room fill up with the smoke of my cigarettes and turn on my speakers.

Endless. Continuous. Draining.

Sitting on my rooftop was always my main source of contentment though.

I plugged in my headphones and brushed my fingers against the bare skin of my leg, tapping to the beat. Wind brushed back my hair.

So many stars.

London's stars were drowned out by the city light but here, in this small town they were galore in the sky. My eyes flicked from one, to the next, to the other and for a moment I wondered whether maybe, just maybe they're up there somewhere.

The thought was one that whirled in my mind since the day they died. Perhaps an afterlife doesn't exist, maybe all those stars in the sky are souls. Such beautiful things must have more depth to them than what meets the eye.

I liked the idea of them being stars. I'm not sure whether I believed it but it was a nicer thing to think rather than their deaths simply being the total end of them.

So when my gaze landed on two diamonds right next to each other, I smiled a little at the thought of them being Gabe and April. Of them being together, even if its without me.

I wondered, for a brief moment, whether maybe if I spoke, they could hear me. I quickly shook my head at myself, dismissing the childlike thought.

***

"I just-"

"Ria. You're not stealing the fucking spray cans. End of story." Malik reprimanded and I shifted in the dumb bar stool I was back on.

This time, however, it was half 7 in the morning - before school. I couldn't tell you how badly I wanted to strangle Malik when he woke me up after the first time I got sleep in three days.

And what made it even worse, was that my anger couldn't last very long. Not with the way he looked just about to strangle himself for waking me up and how he was willing to forget it completely, when I knew for a fact he needed to get a lot done and soon.

"I just think I should be gifted for my time here." I snapped, "This feels like child fucking labour."

"You're making me happy. Isn't that enough?" He feigned batting his eyelashes.