Insomniacs (#1)

72. lola

I reached up and pulled down the door of the trunk, the slam echoing down the street filled with chatter. A person's entire life really can fit into a few boxes.

Graduation was as dismal as I expected. I had barely made it to the graduation ceremony that day, hadn't stopped reading his letter for hours. And hours.

Until I felt like I could recite it. Everyone had noticed that I was different that day but nobody pushed.

The few days after were just as painful. Filled with me locked away in my room. But yesterday, I'm not really sure how I mustered up the strength but I forced myself up. And spent the entire day packing.

I'd moped and I'd sobbed and I'd let myself hurt over that letter but eventually allowed it to push me to find some semblance of closure. I needed it. It allowed me to feel all the things I had dug deep enough to suppress in the few weeks prior and pushed me to at least get the fuck up and focus on my attention towards New York for now. Which awaits us.

And when I look over to my family, I don't see anything but the other person missing. My person. 

I watch them for a moment as they chat, all sat on the edge of the sidewalk. My usual people alongside Amelia and all five of Valencia's sisters. Everest had apparently told them of my departure and orchestrated this little farewell.

Hudson sat besides little Avalon, her ginger hair shining bright as she smiled up at him tenderly. They were such a contrast. He looked terrifying. If I was a kid, I'd stay far away from him but Avalon's the most tender, and she only seems to freely talk to the tattooed punk looking dude. She barely even talks to Everest, but she's a little happy chatterbox with Hudson. Makes no sense.

I looked at all of them and wished that I didn't have to think, solely, about the missing piece. My person. His pack of cigarettes were in my left pocket, I didn't go anywhere without them anymore.

Right now, in this instant, he could be gone forevermore. Or he'll be gone soon. This is his family too and I imagine, seeing them all like this, would have brought a smile to those lips of his. Made those dimples pop out.

It's been days. Weeks. And yet none of it feels real. None of it feels like something I will ever get used to. I can barely stand to be around the people I love like this anymore without feeling nauseous from the pain that rips through me. I prefer to avoid most because of it now.

Why did I have to lose him too? It's all I think about, day and night.

I snap out of it when Ev calls over, "Hey sweetheart! You think we could pack El in one of the boxes and take her with us?"

Elena smiles widely up at me as I stalk over, "Avalon would miss you far too much."

"She'd be glad she got more bedroom space." Elena quipped I fought back a smile.

"It's cool, El. I'll come flying whenever you give me a call. Or when you get Val to give me a call." Everest nudged her gently with his shoulder.

And as those two pattered on, my eyes caught onto Amelia who stood by the car, smiling as she watched Miguel and Benji. I walked up to her and stood besides her, "Hey."

"Hi, honey." She snapped out of it, sending me a smile. She reached up to tuck back my hair, "You're gonna do great. I'm-" She looked at me for a moment and I know it's clear what we're thinking about. Or who, specifically. Her eyes softened when she looked me over and I was glad she didn't say anything other than, "You're gonna do absolutely great. I have no doubt-"

I don't let her finish before I'd thrown my arms around her.

"You're gonna be okay too." I said to her and she locked her arms around me, "We will be."