Insomniacs (#1)

9. one final time

^i am not an artist. at all but i tried <3

TW: Hospitals, machines, descriptions of injuries etc.

3 years earlier.

I've never really had a problem with blood.

Whenever Gabe or April fall when riding their bikes, I love patching them up. Obviously, I don't like that they're hurt but I enjoy playing doctor for a little while.

I think I'd love to go into medicine, play doctor all the time, heal and help.

I've never really had a problem with blood. Until now, I didn't realise I had a problem with hospitals.

But I do. Oh god, I do.

Maybe its because I'm walking through the silent hallway knowing April's already dead and Gabe's going to be soon.

Mum's been crying so hard that she can't form words nor can she take in an actual breath. And I'm starting to feel like a monster because there's nothing going on in that head of mine, not a single tear sliding down my cheek.

I've repeated the sentence to myself a few times.

April's dead. Gabe's dying.

But its not impacting me the way such an impactful sentence should. Its giving me the same nothing feeling of any ordinary sentence. Just doesn't feel right.

So instead, I think about how pretty April is as I walk through the deadly quiet hallway with a broken, blinking light. She's always been prettier than me but I've never been envious of such a thing. I love adoring her beauty.

Her face is just beautiful. Small nose and bright blue eyes, freckles and full lips.

I have freckles but only on my nose. I do wish I had them peppered all over my face like April does. Me and Gabe love connecting the dots, it makes her giggle.

Instead, I think about how we'll open the present they got me soon. And I wonder what on earth it could be.

Someone's shaking my shoulders, I realise so I snap out of it, looking up to mum with a smile.

She blinks back at me for a moment and then her frown deepens, a sob cracking through her chest as she looks over me.

Maybe I really am a monster?

But then she brings me to her chest, so tightly that I find it a little difficult to breathe.

"I'm so sorry, Aria darl. I'm sorry its turned out this way, in the end. I'm sorry for what you'll feel, my baby. I'm sorry you'll have to feel it." She says between her gasps, speaking to me as if she was pleading.

I furrow my eyebrows, open my mouth in question but she pulls back and stands in front of me.

"I'm not sure its such a good idea for you to see him-"

"Its okay, mum. I promise, I do." I tell her, wiping away another tear of hers and it seems like the action made her hurt more.

"Its Gabe. Let me see him." I smile.

"Gabe's not okay, Aria-"

"Mum, just let me see him." I say so harshly that even I was taken aback.

She just pinches her eyes shut, her shoulders shaking in another cry. She opens her glassy hazel eyes to look at me.