Insomniacs (#1)

35. familiar

Everest and Miguel stayed for longer once Mal and Val had eventually left. I could feel Ev watching me, observing me, trying to deduce what was wrong with me because there was no way in hell he believed Luca.

I couldn't fathom up an excuse on the spot so Lu stepped in and said I'd fainted from fatigue because of my insomnia. I'd had insomnia for years and had never once fainted. Ev knew that.

He was quieter. We'd make eye contact and I'd avert my gaze as quickly as I could, in fear he'd see anything on my face. Or that he'd confront me. We'd been best friends for three years now, he knew me all too well.

Ev was much like Luca in the respect that they could pick up on the littlest mannerisms. I'm not sure they even know they did it so well but they're both more attentive than they give themselves credit for. He didn't speak up about anything although it looked like he wanted to. Thankfully.

Now, the only one left was Luca as I assured the rest of them that I'd be okay, sitting at my bedside and fidgeting with my fingers.

Now, everything felt so suddenly real. With none of Miguel and Everest's theatrics to distract us from the heaviness of the situation. With just us and the memory of last night, it all slowly kicking in.

His mind was spinning; you could practically see it, in the tension of his jaw, the way he kept dazing off, his red eyes from lack of sleep.

I couldn't talk about it. I could still barely recognise that it happened to me after suppressing it for eight fucking years. So I had no clue how to go on from here.

I couldn't help my mind from spinning that I'd hurt Luca, that I'm hurting him, as more time passed.

We'd spend the night memorising each others lips, each others hearts. We were so free and so recklessly passionate in the most wonderful way. He kissed me like he never wanted to stop.

He mumbled to me over and over again, I can't believe you're kissing me. I can't believe you kissed me, Ria. A smile would split his lips, he'd stare at me for a moment like only he did and then he'd be kissing me again. I was his and he was mine, it was solidified.

In a single night, it felt like I'd stripped that all away from him.

I could only imagine how it felt. I'd kissed him for the first time, after all these days and moments of yearning. Now, he was spending the day after his birthday sitting besides me in a hospital bed. With the reality of my situation hanging over our heads.

How am I ever going to be any good for him?

A big part of me began regretting. I wished I'd never had that nightmare. I wished I'd never said the words. I wished I'd never admitted them so we could just keep going like usual and we wouldn't have this in our way, him and I.

I couldn't look at him without feeling so immensely guilty. So I kept my eyes turned away, looking out at the snow I so badly wanted to feel against my skin.

It wasn't long before Luca noticed.

"Why aren't you looking at me, Ria? What's wrong?" His voice was so soft, so raw with emotion in the otherwise silent room.

I pinched my eyes shut and swallowed down the ball of emotions in my throat. I stared out at the snow, trying my hardest not to cry again. I'd only cried a few times today albeit for the first time in years but I was already so fucking sick of it.

Crying is awful. Fuck that.

"Aria?" He tugged at my hand, the hand he hadn't stopped holding since he walked into this room.