Insomniacs (#1)

59. failing

No Perspective.

She sits besides Benji for a minute as his eyes begin to flit shut and it doesn't take long at all for his breathing to even out and for Aria to know he's drifted off to sleep. She flicks off the lamp besides his bed and tenderly brushes back his hair.

Her eyes shut and for a moment, because of the peace, she feels like she could crack in half. Sob and cry in this dark from the stress of today. Because of how she so terribly misses Luca.

It has only been a few hours since he was leaning over the ropes to press a kiss to her lips. It feels like a lifetime of crushing pain has passed since then.

Her head drops between her shoulders and her chest caves with a breathy sob she was trying to reign in. It's placid and all too quiet, just the sound of Benji's breathing and the feel of his hair under her fingertips.

Until the door clicks open and light slowly floods into the room as the door is cracked opened wider. She straightens and composes her breathing, turning to Miguel who had walked in. He smiles gently at her, asking if she's ready to go back.

She nods, gives Benji another kiss and walks out of the room.

Walking down the steps and past the living room, she's faced with her mother for a mere moment.

They make eye contact, so many unspoken words between the mother and daughter who are now distant semblances of people they once used to be. Once as close as ever and as tight knit as best friends. Now unable to be around each other for fleeting moments without awkwardness suffocating the air around them. Sometimes the result of scars that wound so deep can't ever be truly revived. The skin that was torn, the bond that was broken simply can't be healed again.

With that, she leaves and returns to the hospital.

She lies back on the uncomfortable chairs, back in the waiting room once more, Irritably, restlessly. She's memorised the texture of the ceiling and sound of hospital bustle. The thudding of footsteps from outside the doors as nurses and doctors rush to save a life.

And she fucking hates it.

She'd built a deep hatred for hospitals since she held Gabriel's hand when he died in one. The beeping of the machines had deafened her as they roared. They had already zipped up April's body before Aria could say goodbye to her. She had died on scene, Gabriel in hospital.

Which would Luca be? Now, he's alive so her mind strays - will she have to hold another hand of one she loves, while they die?

She shoots up from where she's lying down. She pinches her eyes shut. Shakes her head. Stabilises herself. She can't think like that. It does nobody any good, including herself.

Her gaze strays to Amelia, who she finds has been looking at her. Amelia offers a smile and pats the seat besides her, in a gesture for Aria to come over if she'd like. Not wanting to deny, Ria stands herself up and walks over, settling besides the woman she doesn't know very well. Albeit, she likes Amelia.

Right now though, she feels depleted of all energy. She tries to muster up as much as she can so she doesn't unknowingly come across as crass.

"How are you feeling, honey?" Amelia asks gently.

"I should be asking you that." Ria's fingers fidget.

Everest has been drifting in and out sleep for a while, Miguel has his headphones plugged in and Micah has stepped out to take a business call. It's only the two of them, right now.

Amelia scoffs gently, "I doubt that, deary."

"I'm okay, thank you." Ria musters up a smile.

Amelia's gaze is contemplative, not bothering to hide it, her face softer than it ever has been when she's looked at Aria.