Insomniacs (#1)

40. heartache

TW: drugs, overdose.

We drove home and Benji slept in my arms the whole way. Restlessly but asleep; his eyebrows were pinched together, he still looked unsettled somehow.

He was so young. So small. He should be naive and protected and instead, he's endured more pain than a little boy ever should. Luca took him from me so I wouldn't get tired walking up the driveway and up the stairs to my room. Mum had left a note:

Out with your dad. Date night! There's food in the fridge, darl.

I crumpled the sticky note and tossed it to the ground, trying not to focus on the rising, raging dislike towards my mother and instead shifting all my focus on Benji.

Benj held Luca tightly as he walked up the stairs and lay him down on my bed, tucking him up tightly. Luca was incredibly careful with him, incredibly gentle. I saw him press a kiss to his forehead, whisper, "You'll be alright, kiddo. We're right here."

Just before I'd pushed open the door and walked in. Benji snuggled into the duvet, asleep, and I paused at the sight. In realisation that this was the first time I'd ever seen him in a house before, tucked up in a bed like a normal boy and the urge to cry hit me like a damn truck.

"He deserves the world. And he- I've never seen him in a bed before. I've never seen him in a bed, never seen him asleep anywhere other than the ground of his tent- God-"

I was pulled into Luca's arms before I could continue rambling.

"Breathe." Luca reminded and I shut my eyes, matching my breaths to the rise and fall of Luca's chest.

"He deserves the world." I rest my forehead against his chest.

"I know." He kissed the top of my head, "We just have to be glad we found him, that we've got him. And we won't let anything hurt him. I won't, I fucking promise you."

I kept Luca's words on a loop in my head for the next half an hour so I'd maintain calm, sitting on the floor with our backs to the bed. It was clear the only thing occupying our minds was the little boy sleeping behind us so there wasn't much room for conversation.

We needed to know what happened. It was a while of constant looking back to see if he'd stirred, restless waiting until we heard him groan. I shot up so fast I almost stumbled, sitting besides him tentatively.

Benji whined and tucked his face into the duvet before his eyes flitted open. He blinked to try and decipher his surroundings and then you could see the panic begin to wash over his features.

"Hey- I'm right here." I spoke gently and his gaze turned to me, blinking like he couldn't believe I was in front of him. I lay besides him, wrapping an arm around him as he curled up into my side.

"You're here." He mumbled, holding my t-shirt like he was afraid to let go.

He abruptly shot up, gripping at his stomach and wincing. He whimpered in pain, "I'm gonna be sick."

Luca acted quick, picking him up easily and hurrying him to my bathroom. I followed, wincing at the sound of Benj regurgitating into the toilet bowl. Luca was on his knees besides him, rubbing his palm up and down his back.

Hs looked so concerned in that moment. Not a glimpse of the menacing boy everyone seemed to fear constantly but a boy soothing a kid like he was his own little brother. I think I love him.

Fuck. No. Not fucking now, Ria.

I sat right besides him, helping Benj through it until he'd slumped backwards and against my torso.