MAKNAE [twd] *editing*

【56】

When most of the others were asleep, I found myself sitting by the window, watching the rain that was currently peaceful.

There were only a few others awake, including Daryl and Jae who were on watch and Noah and Beth who spoke among themselves in the corner of the barn. Another was Tara who sat on her own, staring at me. The last was on his way to where I was.

"Hey," Carl greets, sighing as he sits down.

"Hey," I hum, resting my head on my arms in the windowsill.

"You know you're gonna have to work that out, right?" he asks, nodding his head to Tara.

I go silent, moving to busy my hands as I pick at the wooden frame.

"Back when it was all going on.. That guy in the woods was putting his weapon down. But, I still shot him," he recalls, staring at his hands in his lap.

"Hershel.. Hershel said that couldn't be us. And I didn't want to get what he meant. I just.. I wanted the war over. I wanted.." he sighs again, "I wanted all of them to pay for what he did."

"You say to the girl that snuck into Woodbury to begin with," I breath a laugh of irony.

"It's different," he shakes his head, "People like that guy in the woods, people like Tara's sister.. They were caught in the crossfire of his mistakes."

"There was no crossfire, Carl," I frown.

"What do you mean?" he asks gently.

I lean back in my seat, looking over to him then staring at my hands.

"The Governor was bleeding out. Michonne was ending it, but she didn't all the way. I think.. I think we both wanted him to turn," I admit.

I sneak the smallest look to Tara, catching the vacant stare in her eyes as she was still looking at me. I look away just as quickly as though the eye contact burned me from the inside out.

"Her sister was going to kill him. She was going to make it easy. And I.. I wanted.." I run my hand over my face stressfully, "I wanted more. I needed him to go through more."

"After everything from last year, Andrea, Merle, Axel, what he put Glenn and Maggie through, killing his own people like he did, just for it to all.. End up the way it did. Hershel, taking the prison down, all of us losing each other.. I just wanted him to feel more pain."

I rest my elbow on the window, leaning my head on my hand, "After everything he did- all the people he hurt.. I didn't want him to have an easy death."

Carl delicately reaches over, taking my hand for comfort and nodding his head for me to continue.

"So, when she was giving him that.. It would've been easy.. I was only thinking about that and so I just.. I just did it. I wasn't thinking clear and I just killed her."

"She didn't do anything wrong, I know that. It's on me," I nod, my free hand running through my hair.

The Governor was like a parasite that was always on my brain. 

Even now, he was dead and gone, yet I could still feel the power he held over me. Over my actions and how I dealt with each day. Just the mention of his name, a reference to him even- set me on edge and clouded my thoughts so I was only thinking of him and everything he took and destroyed.

He wasn't the first bad person we ran into. He wasn't the first monster disguised as a human. He probably wouldn't be the last, either.

But, something about him.. Something about him stuck in my head, chest, and soul. Something about him made it so it felt like he was always lingering around me like a devil on my shoulder, pushing me more and more to fall onto the darker side of my thoughts.

Something about him killed a large piece of me, despite Michonne's words of not letting that part go.

My hands were clean before him, now I've lost count of how many lives I've taken due to the war he brought to us.

My grief was a working process before him, then it nearly killed me as I wanted to join those lost.

My anger was rare, then he reach into my chest and pulled it out so I had to face it.

The Governor was a leech and he would forever have broken pieces of me that he stole. My innocence, my wrath, my peace of mind, my shattered optimism, and such a large part of my youth- not to mention the friends lives that were cut short from his doings.

I carried him around long before I had him on that leash. And even though I was the one holding that belt, he had a vice grip on my being only with his existence.

He pushed me- from the time he held my brother captive until his last breaths of him never regretting a single sin he'd committed. Everything in between were addons to the pile of mess he'd created. And he'd nearly sent me over the edge time and time again.

Or, maybe he did send me over the edge.

When Carl spoke of the boy in the woods, I could remember Maggie and I talking about it after it happened. I was so confused, shocked even at how he was able to take down someone surrendering. Someone who didn't want to be a part of the destruction.

Someone like Tara's sister. Someone who wasn't meant to be there. Someone who didn't know who the Governor truly was under all his lies and deceit. Someone who just wanted to end him for everything he'd done. Someone who just wanted it over.

Just as Carl killed the boy in the woods, I'd killed Tara's sister.

And maybe, that was the finale of the Governor pushing me over the edge once and for all.

But, just as Michonne warned, we couldn't let it take us over. People like the Governor couldn't take us and leave us a shell of who we used to be.

Because even though he was the catalyst for my own self destruction and vengeance-

"It's on me," I repeat.

--

The next morning, Maggie and Sasha returned from their watch shift. Only, they weren't alone.

Just as everyone's guards went up in concern of the new face, it was Noah who rushes forward to the two men.

"Aaron! Eric!" he happily called, rushing into one of the men's arms.

"Noah," the man smiled, patting his back.

"We've been tracking you for days.. The storm got us all confused," the other says as he hugged Noah as well.

Noah turns to the rest of us, his hand that wasn't around the man's shoulders motioning for everyone to lower their weapons.

"Guys, it's okay," Noah assures, "They're my friends.. My people."

The first man steps forward, a kind smile on his face, "My name is Aaron."

He motions to the other man, "This is Eric."

Rick nods, glancing to Noah who only smiled more.

"We're from Alexandria. Noah's home."

--

𝒶𝓊𝓉𝒽𝑜𝓇 𝓇𝒶𝓂𝒷𝓁𝑒𝓈--

AARON FAV EVERYONE MOVE I LOVE HIM