MAKNAE [twd] *editing*

【118】

As nighttime set in, I found myself pacing by the car.

"Are you that ready to leave?" Carl laughs as he walks over.

"Kind of," I admit.

He leans against the car, crossing his arms, "I get it.. Really. And I don't blame you for wanting to."

I look around the dark scenery of Alexandria, cringing internally, "I keep.. I keep feeling like he's just going to walk out of the house. Or walk into the gates. Or anything that would show that he's here."

"That's how I felt at the prison," he nods, "Like she would show up like nothing ever happened."

At the reference to Lori, I frown as my heart sinks. Leaning on the car beside Carl, I rest my hand on his shoulder.

"There was a split second back there with Siddiq when I thought.." he shakes his head, "I saw everyone. That whole 'life flashes before your eyes' thing is actually true."

"What was it?" I wonder, sensing that he needed to get the close call off his chest.

"I saw my dad and I first. We were just taking a walk. Then, my mom picking me up from school.. The first time I heard Judith cry.. Shane teaching me how to shoot.. You and I talking in that house after the prison.. Hershel and I out in the woods.. Michonne and I eating candy.." he laughs at the end, "There were others. It was like a collage of memories- pictures that flew in all at once."

Nostalgically, he looks to the gravel beneath us, "I don't know.. I guess it was a wake up call I needed."

"Are you telling me this because you know I see things?" I darkly joke, though I still earn a laugh from Carl.

"You and dad both," he sighs, "Bout time I joined the party."

"Beth said that maybe those were signs. But, I haven't seen any of them since Michonne and I had a talk about it. I haven't even.." I exhale, "I haven't even seen Glenn. And I tried to."

"Maybe that means you're healing," Carl offers.

"Maybe.." I repeat, "Only thing I see now is just.. Negan. He's always in my head. I dream about him. Sometimes in the dreams, it's him killing Glenn in front of me. Sometimes, he kills me. Sometimes he kills others- Maggie, Taeyang, Rick, Daniel, Ben, Jae, Daryl.. even you. Other times I dream of me killing him. But, I always dream of him."

I hadn't told anyone about the dreams- not in detail especially. I didn't want them to worry. Carl, though, Carl and I have been through enough to know better.

"Me too," he admits dryly, "Main one I have is of him cutting my arm off and then killing dad. Other times, it's like you said, he kills the others."

"Negan.." I sigh, though my words are cut short as there's a loud banging on the gate ahead.

Carl and I stand up straight as the third hit goes, then there's feedback from a radio or something.

Then, a voice through a speaker-

"You may be wondering why the hell your lookouts didn't sound the alarm."

"Negan," I repeat, the voice setting me on edge.

"See, we are polite. I mean, I don't know when they're gonna wake up from that kinda shot, but they should wake up. So, let's just cut through the cow shit- you lose. It's over. So, you're gonna line up in front of your little houses, and you're gonna work up some apologies. and then the person with the lamest one is gonna get killed. Then, I kill Rick in front of everybody, and then we move on. You have three- count 'em, three minutes to open this gate, or we start bombing the shit out of you!"