I feel empty.
Confused.
Lost.
I've tried running from the past. From the guilt. My regrets swallow me whole in an ocean full of painful tears that mock my every movement. I can swim, but I can't keep my head above the vicious liquid that tears at my eyes with pure hatred. It completely blinds me, and I can't seem to ever escape. I try screaming for help, but the water pierces like needles into my lungs, sending an icy chill throughout my being. I become paralyzed, fear seeping like daggers in each of my minuscule pores.
My vision suddenly returns, a burning sensation filling my eyes, relieving me from the void.
This pain is inexplicable. I get a slight feeling in my neck, and I use it to swivel it my head up. I see a light. I need this light. I cannot bear this suffocating darkness much longer.
I scream again.
I see three pathetic bubbles rise slowly to the top, their frail coat shimmers with rue. They finally reach the top, and shatter into nothingness. I plead that they carry my words to, someone, or something. Then a voice in my head hits me, leaving bruises on my pathetic vessel.
You don't deserve being saved.
Out of nowhere, the past hits my mind, it's claws run deep, crimson fluid desperately leaking out as a response. I see you. Your words scream pain, but I hear nothing. The water roars in my ears, it's wooshing so loud that more tears start to gather in my eyes. My eyes that only see wrongness. They drip my regrets, but it brings me no help. Only the feeling of isolating loneliness.
Sorry does nothing.
My apologies echo in your mind, but your eyes radiate hatred. You don't forgive me. You never will. I can feel it.
...
What have I done?
But I already know what I've done.
I hurt you.
I went against my word and let you down.
Why couldn't I see what I already had?
Why couldn't I see what I was doing before it happened?
You stab a stake deep within my heart, breaking it's shallow barriers. I look down, shock like a sheet covering my face. Some blood trickles out, and wraps around you, but never touches you. Instead, you simply wipe it away, like the pieces of garbage it is. You say more words, one of which I can hear, finally.
"Why?"
I don't know.
But I do.
I wanted to feel better about myself. I wanted to have some value- To be worth something for once. That's no excuse though, is it? I know it isn't, just from the look you give me now.
I'm lost in this moment for centuries, until-
Until I realized something.
If I stay down here,
I will die.
But, my mind screams again
Who cares? You screwed up.
I silently agree. It's right. I hurt you, after all. How could I live with myself?
It's time to end this. Time to end this now. I throw my hands in front of me, the memory shattering like a mirror. I grab one of the shards. It smiles mockingly at me.
It whispers, "It's time. End the suffering."
I nod.
The shard pierces my wrist, blood slowly levitating up to the light. The light that radiates a calmness over my body. I feel my regrets flooding out of me, swarming around in the water that has suffocated me for so long. It's finally over. I finally ended this.
I smile.
I'm fine.
It's all over now.
I swim towards the light, ready for whatever I have to face next.
After all, it's over.
What could possibly be worse than this darkness I faced for so long?
I feel light shroud my body, it's glow making my vision fade into a serenade of tranquility- and finally-
I let go.
