When I was a pup, my momma tightly coiled thorny vines around my body. She told me they'd keep me safe from the evil around. These thorns choked my throat and stabbed deep within me, but I kept them on for protection.
When I try to get close to anyone, my thorns stab them. They get scared and run away. Momma taught me fire was good, and to keep close to it to feel comfort. I wanted comfort so badly, I let the flames singe my fur and lick my skin. She told me to save my meals I caught, so I'd always have nutrition. I started saving every piece I had, never touching any of what I saved. My prey grew moldy and rotten. My daddy forced me to grow horns, to stay strong and ward off predators. Little did I know they'd scare away everyone else because I was different. I wasn't natural. I was seen as a demon.
All I wanted was comfort and safety, but every part of me hurts and is sore.
He taught me that pain makes me strong, and if I'm not feeling pain, I am bad and unworthy.
Now I'm a full grown wolf, the vines are cutting deep beneath my skin. Some parts of me are still stuck as a tiny pup, scared and locked inside. My horns are sharp and let no one get close. Deep inside I feel the thorns constantly poking and prodding, stabbing into my chest, making me feel vulnerable. The flames burn my mind, I feel like I'm burning alive. I get scared to catch prey, knowing everything will go bad. I just want my body to stop the pain, and I grieve as the agony rips at me with each move.
Pain is what makes me feel okay, but why does it hurt so bad? I tried to cut away the scars upon my skin, but they just became deeper and made me feel numb. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. They always told me my parents knew best and they love me, but why do I feel so wrong? I look around and these other creatures are smiling and cuddling. Why am I so different? What did I do wrong? I did everything they taught me.
I don't want to feel like this anymore. The pain has stopped being a comfort. The tears burn as they pour down my face like lava. Make it stop. I need it to stop. I claw at one of the deeply embedded vines out of desperation, and my skin cries crimson fire. Why isn't it working? I jump into the lake, begging for the burning to stop. The water surrounds, temporary dulling the flames, any blocking out the world around me. Why won't the burning stop inside? Do I need to drown?
Will that save me?
Will anything save me?
