"Oh I'm fine!"
You say that as your lips go numb, head goes blank.
You're chest is filled with an inexplicable black void.
"I don't have a problem!"
You say that as you chug another bottle.
2 turns to 4, 4 turns to 36, 36 turns to 1800
You're crying your eyes out,
As the ataxia breaks your mobility at 3 am,
and all you can do to stop it is
scribble repeatedly in your notebook for an hour,
just to try to not lose control of yourself.
"Nothing's wrong!"
But you're trembling and can't stay balanced.
All you're focus is gone and you hallucinate screams.
You hack and cough but as long as reality gone it doesn't matter.
You smell like cheap plastic, and you can't even walk anymore
but,
"Everything's okay!"
You exclaim as you're being driven to the emergency room
because you're bladder and kidneys are shutting down.
You puke up red and urinate red but oh,
You say in a scratchy weak voice,
"Don't worry about me!"
You're sentences glitch and your body is fighting back seizures.
You can barely breathe and your heart beat is nothing
but a weak pulse.
You're fatigued all the time and lose track of time.
Inside you're screaming for help,
Begging for any way to escape this pain.
This endless cycle of
Depression, chug two bottles, leave reality,
then feel the consequences.
"I'm happy!",
But your parents are screaming and crying, wondering
Why the fuck you'd do this to yourself, to them.
You're memory is shot and you can barely eat,
everything making you sick and puke.
Oh but you're so fine, aren't you?
And once you finally want help, no one cares anymore.
