𝟞𝟟

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I am as well

Definition ~

○ Feelings (n.) ○

What about us?

Running into my room with Christiana

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Running into my room with Christiana. I felt like a teenager with a friend again.

"Aideen, why are you so bipolar? Are you alright my dear? Like you wanted to kill Harrison, and then moments later, you were hugging him? Are you okay, gurl?"

I know it might seem weird that my emotions went hey-wire and all over the place, but when Nonno yelled at me - I saw my father.

Hearing my father and Nonno yell downstairs I would hide in my safe place, my room. Cry me to sleep in my closet as Winston would find me fast asleep.

My father blamed me for my mother's death, as I killed the love of his life. Being forced to grow up quickly, training the moment I could walk.

Nonno knows I don't enjoy getting yelled at. It reminds me of how much I have lost. How much I lost in that one fucking day.

I lost it; I lost myself; I became my father.

How Harrison noticed. He remembered my story. How he said, that we just disagreed. Made me feel safe, around him. Why him tho?

"I am all well. Just I don't enjoy family members fighting," I stated, sitting on the edge of my bed. Christiana crawled into the middle of the bed, sitting cross-legged behind me.

"But you're part of the mafia, angel. Do we fight all the time? You are the ruthless Red Dragon, who has killed 30 000 men starting at 16."

"Exactly!! 30 000 men and women!!" - even children - I had to.

"Aideen, there are 8 billion people in this world. No one is going to miss 30 000 people - " Christiana paused, as I looked back at her with my brows frowned. " - Are you okay, gurl??"

"You know, in fairy-tale books, there is always a happy ending. But in the mafia, there isn't. There will never be. My father came home full of blood, smelling like alcohol. He would fight with my Nonna and Nonno-"

I stuttered, taking in a breath. My throat became dry, swallowing a lump in my throat.

"Yes, being ruthless, I have lost my heart long ago. Being a monster and striking fear into people. But I have learnt how to be gentle all over again. I am still human with human emotions. Yes, 30 000 people I have killed, but 60 000 or more miss them. Yes, those 30 000 people betrayed me, tried to kill me or hurt others, but they are still human."

As I tried to continue. I was hitting a sensitive topic that I have been hiding and keeping away for so many, tiring, years.

"I just want a family to protect. A place to call home. People to call family that won't drop like flies. I want - I want -" tears filled my vision as everything became blurry.

"Aww, no dear" Christiana crawled across the bed and hugged from behind. Grasping her arms around me. She placed her hand on my head, holding me against her chest.

"Don't cry, Aideen!! You cry! You're weak! No one will love a weak female. Like your mother."

"I thought you loved her, Father. You loved her?"

"Exactly! I loved her. Love isn't real. Your mother was never weak. YOU made her weak."

His words would repeat in my head, sucking in a deep breath. Pushing Christiana away from me gently, I smiled at her and put on a brave face. "It is alright. I am good, I promise. " She nodded her head in response.

Climbing out of the bed. She stood in front of me with her hand out for mine. "Come. Let's talk with the boys and think of a way to kill this man. So, you can have your happy ending." Christiana smiled at me, making me grin.

Grasping her hand, we headed downstairs to find Harrison and Jack; yet they were nowhere to do seen. "Madam?" I was called out from down the hall. My head swung back to see Winston behind me. "Miss A. Harrison and Jack are not here anymore. They informed me to tell you, that they got a lead on, Fernando Barone?"

They got a lead and didn't tell us? - IMMA KILL HIM!!

"Thank you, Winston, for informing me," I spoke in a calm tone, grinding my teeth together.

Rushing out of the house, jumping over the front door stairs onto the gravel driveway. Christiana called out, almost slipping on the floor. "Oh shit, Aideen, don't go!!!" she called out, chasing behind me. "Aideen stop! You're not in the right mindset!"

Maybe I am bipolar, but this man. Actually, not a man. A FUCKING BOY has gotten on my last tit. I can't trust him to kill Fernando. And finding a lead without telling me in person is so outrageous.

Opening up the garage, the lights flashed as my car unlocked. I walked to the driver's side of the car. "Aideen, think about what you are doing!!" I opened my door and got into the car. "Aideen stop. Think about your family!!" - Ooo, she is getting on my last nerve as well.

Putting the keys in the ignition. I turned it, starting the engine as it roars, echoing in the garage. "AIDEEN LISTEN TO ME!!!" Christiana spoke, slamming her hands on my hood, and staring at me. My face was full of rage and my heart was pumping fast.

"AIDEEN LISTEN!!" she slammed her hands on the hood again.

I snapped out of my thoughts and saw how worried she looked - Oh my God. What am I doing?

Christiana walked to my window and rolled it down. Still looking straight ahead, with my hands on my wheel. So ashamed; I couldn't look her in the eye.

"Christiana, Harrison has gotten a lead without telling us. I can't trust him to give me my happy ending. If I want it. I have to do it myself."

Christiana nodded her head, knowing my reasoning.

"Aideen. Love. You need to get him out of your head. I know you. Well, kind of. We have only known one another for a few months, but it's like I have known you for my whole life. He cares. I know he does. He just hasn't admitted to himself he does. He is scared. Just like you. I know he doesn't want to hurt you or put you in danger. He wants to do this on his own to fix his mistake."

I turned my head to face her. "So, what should I do?"

I need help. Fuck it. I need a therapist, actually.

"Let's go out and go grab lunch. You haven't eaten today. And it's almost 3 o'clock. The boys got a lead on him. They will deal with it."

Putting trust in Christiana. I put trust in Harrison to do the right thing this time. I don't know if I can even trust him. "Just trust him," she spoke with a smile

How did she know?

"Okay, let's go." I smiled.

"FUCK YEAH. LET'S DO THIS!!" Christiana cheered, tapping her hand on the door. Unlocking the passenger side, she climbs in, putting on her belt. "Where to?"

"The place where we first hit it off"

The place where we bonded? The place is called White Vegas, which is now owned by my - Harrison Barone.





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