One Chicago + Swat Imagines

I feel so low - Matt Casey + Kelly Severide - Chicago Fire

*Major TW: This chapter contains Suicide. Remember that you are not alone! If your feeling like this then please talk to someone, they can make it better. My DM's are always open as you all know. You are loved and cared for. Please seek help if you need it*

*Y/N!" Do you copy!" I heard my radio buzz

I was frozen, standing in the middle of a burning building acting like it wasn't on fire at all. I looked down at my feet where an unconscious middle aged man was lying after falling through a floor, it was Boden. The only father figure in my life apart from Matt, my brother. Boden was dead and I knew it. I was told to hold onto the rope whilst he went down, the rope snapped and it was instant death. I just killed me chief.

"Y/N!" I heard Kelly yell as he came closer to me

"He's gone" I said looking down at Boden

"Let's get you out of here" Kelly sighed

"I wanna get him" I said as Kelly nodded

He strapped me up to a rope and lowered me down, I do this on a daily basis. I have done for 5 years now, why was this time so different. I had worked within the CFD for 8 years and got placed on squad 3, 5 years ago. I started dating Kelly 2 years ago and let's just say my brother, Matt wasn't too happy about this arrangement. I hooked bodens lifeless body onto mine and Kelly pulled me up. We walked out with Boden over Kelly's shoulders

"Give me him here" Dawson added as Kelly lay him down on the stretcher

"What the hell happened?" Matt yelled, making that face he always made when he was frustrated

"The rope snapped" I sobbed as I saw a tear drop to the floor

"Sleep tight chief" Dawson said as she put a white sheet over his lifeless face

I couldn't handle it anymore so I went and sat in the truck, the tears were streaming down my face without any control. I then heard Kelly hop in

"Are you okay?" He asked

"He's gone, Donna's husband is gone. He's not coming home tonight and who's fault was it! Mine!" I yelled

"It wasn't your fault!" Kelly argued

"Then who's was it? We don't have faulty ropes on squad! Clearly I didn't do something right!" I yelled as I sobbed

Kelly didn't say anything, he just gave me that look that made me feel safe. I reached out my hand and he took it, without hesitation. He smiled softly at me and I felt at ease.

Later that night I got home, Kelly was sitting on the couch and he opened his arms when he spotted me. I walked over and sat down in his arms

"I told Donna" Kelly added

I didn't say anything, I just stared at the wall

"She didn't take it too well" Kelly said

"I'm gonna take a shower" I said before getting up

I walked into the bathroom and turned on the water, I stepped in and the warm water hit my body, clearly this was going to be the only thing helping me get through this. After about 10 minutes I stepped out and put on some fresh clothes. I walked out to see my brother standing along with Gabby

"How you holding up?" Matt asked

"I'm fine" I lied

"Really? You don't look fine?" Gabby explained

"I'll get over it, I'm gonna head to bed anyway" I added before slipping away

*The Firehouses POV*

It's 2 weeks later and Y/N hasn't been showing up to work, within the last few days she's been going a - wall. She's not been coming home and everyone is pretty worried about her.

"All units, Suicide Attempt, South Chicago Bridge" The intercom echoed

They all run out and suit up, when they arrive at the scene they can see a girl standing on the railing on the bridged if she takes one wrong step then she could fall in the water.

"Miss, what's your name? I'm Kelly and this is Matt" Kelly added not noticing who it is on the bridge

"Come on sweetheart! You can talk to us" Matt yelled

"You only ever heard dad call mom that" Y/N said as the boys faces went pale

"Y/N? Baby?" Kelly asked as she turned around

"I can't do this anymore! Everyday I'm reminded of him! And how I let him die!" Y/N yelled as she clenched her fists

"Hey! Just because it burns now doesn't mean that it's not going to get better!" Matt explains

"You've gotta get up and try!" Kelly added

"I can't" Y/N added before taking a step closer to the edge

"Hey! What am I supposed to do without you? Become Chicago's biggest playboy again? Huh? I need you baby! You keep me right!" Kelly protested

"We can't lose another member of 51 sis! Especially one that we all love and care about!" Matt yelled

"I'm sorry" Y/N added as she falls forward

Kelly then runs in and catches her, he pulls her close and she starts to squirm

"Why didn't you let me die!" Y/N yelled

Kelly pulled her close and he falls to the ground with her

"Why didn't you let me die!" Y/N sobbed as she fell into his chest

"Shh! It's okay baby" Kelly said as he looked at Casey standing in tears with no colour on his face

"I deserved to die!" Y/N yelled

*Author's Note*
Again you are loved in every way, shape and form! We are so so lucky to have you on this earth! Please please seek help if you need it! Do not suffer in silence.