It doesn't end here !

Chapter XI

Madi! Before I could ask her to come to us, a little light brown bunch of hair ran out of a bush. Picasso, Madi's dog. I knelled down and patted him. Picasso seemed to enjoy it a lot. I kept patting the dog when Lexa slowly walked to the bush trying to not get Picasso's attention and before Madi could see her, Lexa was there and wrapped her arms around her. Madi screamed but when she realized it was Lexa she calmed down. "Why are you here?" She asked. "You did not have to come. I am safe here. No one is gonna attack me." I was shocked. Madi has never been so cold. We loved her and she knew that. Every single time we called, I told her. I was disappointed. Her voice sounded so cold and distant not like she would be my daughter. Of course, she changed. We all did after everything what happened the past months in Bardo. Neither Lexa, nor I could go on like nothing had happened but that was no reason to behave the way Madi did.

Now I stopped cuddling Picasso and came to Madi. I sat on the ground and looked into her blue eyes. Lexa understood. She nodded and went to Aden & Gaia who tried to stay away as far as possible so Madi would not feel watched. ''Madi, what happened? I feel like I don't know you anymore. You are cold and distant. I am worried about you. You are my child. You can't just run away. Please tell me what happened. Please talk to us. Even if not with me... I do accept that but talking can help... '' but before I could end my sentence, Madi interrupted me. ''Clarke, I know that you want to help me, but you can't. You can't fix everything for everyone. Neither Lexa nor Tara nor anyone can. Understand that. I deserve to stay alone for what I have done. Yes, I did not want anyone else to get hurt by protecting me but... I put you and Octavia in a much bigger danger when you tried to save me. I told you that you ruined my life... my life is ruined, yes but it's my fault. It never had been yours or Lexa's. 

I am the one ruining your life. You both have Aden and Tara. They need you too. Probably even more than I do. You told me two days ago that it's not certain if Tara will ever be able to walk normal again. Your little sister needs you and so does Aden need you. He lost so much. I am gonna get over everything that happened the last months and years, but I can't be the burden for you. Clarke, please you have to understand that. I can't pretend that I never did anything. I can't act like Bardo and Sanctum have never happened. I don't have the right to do that. I promise I won't run away again I will stay and work hard in school... I love you but this is my fate.'' Before Madi could continue blaming herself for everything, I hugged her. I knew she did not like me to do that at all and she tried to push me away, but I didn't let her go. Even tears were rolling down my cheeks. When Madi saw that, she seemed shocked and sad at the same time.

After a few seconds that I needed to calm down, I sat on the ground again, a few steps away from my daughter and started to explain what had been in my mind for days. ''Madi, please stop blaming yourself. It's NOT your fault and we can't change what happened and that's okay, believe me. Neither Tara, not Lexa nor I are the same after everything that happened, but we will get through this, all together. You are a Griffin and being a Griffin means to always keep on going because you aren't alone. Yes, I have lost my mom and my dad. When you jumped to Bardo, I did everything to save you because I knew that I had nothing to lose. Tara was safe with Lexa and that was all I needed to know.

 But you and Tara and Aden are still here. You all are my family and so is Lexa. I need you. All of you. I can't lose you Madi. I know that you told me that I ruined your life and possibly it's true. I am sure it is after everything I did. You don't have to understand me. So didn't I understand my mother, till I became a mom. And if it wasn't true than I can forgive you. Believe me I also told my mother many bad things back than in space and she forgave me too. Because life is too short to keep holding on to the bad things Madi. Being a mother isn't always sunshine but that is okay. I decided to become your mother and I am thankful that I did. The moment when I saw you there, laying in this white stool in Bardo, unable to do something was a torture for me. I wasn't sure you would even survive but you did, and I am so glad that you did. I was scared that I had lost you too so please. 

 Let us help you. Doctor Jackson could for example have talks with you about everything that happened like he has with Lexa and the others and with me but please. I need you. For one week, I wanted to ask you to move with us to Polis. The tower is big enough for all of us and even Lucas could find a place there, where he can stay. You both can go to school and Tara could be your teacher. Maybe this sounds too good to be true and possibly it's only what I am dreaming of... In the end, it's all your decicion and no matter what you will chose, it's okay for me as long as you are happy.''

Now Madi was the one with tears in her eyes. She slowly came closer and wrapped her arms around me. ''Clarke, really? I mean, I really don't deserve that for everything I have done. You always wanted the best for me. You wanted to save me, possibly from myself. Can you forgive me? I don't think that it would be fair to live with you in Polis after everything... but of course I wish I could. So that we maybe can get back the relation we had back than after Praimfaya. It will probably take months or years but it's worth a try. I miss to spent time with you and with Lexa of course.'' I had to smile and kept hugging my daughter a little more before I responded to her. ''Madi, of course you do deserve it to live there with us. It's our home and so it is yours. Tara is waiting at home. She is worried about you too. My sister really loves you. And I can't wait to take you home. And of course, I always wanted to protect you. You are my daughter and my responsibility.'' After we had talked a little more, I helped Madi to stand up and took her hand. So, we both went to the others and started walking home again. I did not leave my daughter's side. The next days we would plan, how to make Madi's and Lucas moving as comfortable and stressless as possible. We all were quite exited for the future.