It doesn't end here !

Chapter XVIII

When the video ended, Lexa looked at me and had at least as many questions in her head as I did. Why us out of all people on the planet? What's the point? Why not Clarke and Lexa? They were both very strong and knew how to deal with stressful situations. I've always wanted to be important, but not in a war against an artificial intelligence. The thought caused fear in me. Lexa knew that and wrapped her arms around me. I was safe and then I felt an unimaginable warmth rise inside me. Suddenly the moment rejoiced and only I was able to move and then I couldn't believe my eyes. There she stood, my mother with her blond hair and the sapphire blue eyes, smiling at me.

''Oh, my sweetheart. I'm so proud of you. I know you're scared, but you can do that. You're so strong. The Grounders have chosen the name Sonheda wisely. They know you're capable of more than you can imagine. I know you were always afraid you'd never become as important as Clarke. You thought I loved her more than I loved you, and I know I've treated you like that sometimes. It was never my intention. Believe me. I love you both so much and I'm really proud. You're my second child, and I was only allowed to have you because I was chief physician on the Ark, which never meant that I care less about you than Clarke. You do me very proud, always. It doesn't matter if you're fighting this war and saving the human race, or if you're working as a teacher in Polis and living your dream. I will always be proud of you and I will love you forever. May we meet again."

As soon as she had finished her last sentence, she was gone and everything was like before only one thing had changed. I no longer felt small and insignificant. No, I understood that I was Sonheda and I was stronger than I ever thought that I could be. Emori looked at me and knew that I was ready. So we left the subterranean space. It was a nice feeling to see daylight again. As soon as we got to the tower, Lexa called my sister on the radio.

I opened the wooden door to my room and ranstraight to my closet. For the moment, I was the ugly duckling in her dark bluesweater and grey jeans, but it wasn't me anymore.

I spent many minutes in front of the closet in a constant discussion with myself. Should I really take that step? But then I thought of my mother's words and pulled the black robe out of the wardrobe. It was floor-length, had numerous velvet applications and room on the right side for a sword or a knife. I didn't really know if I should wear this, after all, this had once been Lexa's when she was my age. 

 She had told me about it in Arkadia in the medial area and assured me how pretty I'll look when I wear it one day. Back then, I never dared to go out like that. Now the thought didn't sound so far-fetched. So I made up my mind and put on the dress. It felt heavy and overwhelming at first but it gave me a lot of self-confidence. I looked in the mirror and had to smile. That's probably how Lexa felt when she became commander at 13. I wonder if she had as long hair back then as she does now.