It doesn't end here !

Chapter XX

I tried to jump after her, but Lexa held me back. I couldn't leave my little sister alone in a new world. Lexa reached for my hand and we all walked through the portal together with Murphy, Indra and Emori. I felt cold, rising in me and the next thing I could remember was a misty island. So that seemed to be Penance. There wasn't much here, but still this island looked kind of inviting, at least more inviting than the light that brought us here. Next to me and Lexa, the others arrived. I took a look around and panic started to rise in me. Where was my sister? She had stepped into the portal just a few minutes before us. Still, she was nowhere close. Now Lexa got nervous, too. Where was Tara?

We ran to the little house as quick as possible, hoping to find my little sister in there. Maybe she had seen this hut in her dreams and knew that it was important for the last war. When we arrived, I was shaking so much, that I couldn't open the door myself so Indra did that for me. Emori pulled her gun out, ready to fight if she had to and so did I. Lexa took her knife out of the dress ready to attack. We had to be prepared. When Indra pushed the door open, we directly tried to get a good look through the whole house and then we knew that no one was here or had been here in the last time. Tara was gone. I sank on the ground and tears ran down my face. I had promised mom to always take care of my little sister but I failed. I had lost her and it all was my fault. After Sheidheda's attack I should have cared more about her. I knew that she was strong but I had no idea of what she could possibly had to go through. My sister probably felt alone with her problems and her thoughts but I wasn't there to protect her and to help her.

The more tears rolled down my cheek, the more I started to panic. So Lexa sat to me and I just cried on her shoulder. She didn't judge me or said anything. No, she was just there, listening to me. She was the love of my life. The others slowly left the house, trying to prepare outside, for staying longer. We knew that Octavia, Diyoza & Hope used to plant potatoes, tomatoes and berries here so we expected some vegetables and fruits to still grow in the garden. Lexa stood up, ready to go outside but I couldn't so I stayed inside while Indra came. She sat next to me and did not say much but from her it meant the world. 

 ''Clarke, wherever your sister is right now, we will find her. I am worried too but she is strong. This won't take away your pain I know but I am here no matter if you want to talk or stay silent about it.'' We sat next to each other. I put my head on Indra's shoulder. Her closeness felt good. Outside we heard the others laughing. Lexa had probably never harvested potatoes or tomatoes in her entire life and was a bit overwhelmed and I had to smile about that. She was really clumsy. After a few minutes Indra got up and gave me her hand. I thought for a moment and then accepted her help. She gave me strength. So that's how Tara must have felt in the bunker when Octavia and I were in Bardo looking out for Madi.

I knew there was nothing I could do and I wasonly able to wait. I had to believe in the good, so I followed Indra outsideand we helped with the harvest. I really had fun and could even forget the painfor a short moment. In the evening,the others were busy in the house, cutting the vegetables and then frying themover the fire.

If my sister was here and Madi and Aden, I could've really liked this place. It would have been a nice way of living. I did not need much and here was the peace we've all wanted. Lost in thoughts I played with my dad's wedding ring. I had buried the one from my mother in Sanctum after she died, while I always wore my dad's ring. It made me feel connected to him. Tara had gotten the favourite pearl earrings from our mother because she preferred earrings and with her light brown hair, they looked much better on her anyways and from Dad, she had a small silver bracelet with a blue stone that he had inherited from his grandmother, who was still born on Earth.

I couldn't stand it anymore between the others, so I left the house unnoticed and ran to the sea, to which Penance adjoined. I knelt down and let some cold water run over my wrists. Then I took a stick and wrote my sister's name in the sand, which was washed away by the next wave. I closed my eyes and murmured into the silence. "May we meet again." After a few minutes of silence by the sea, I got up and ran back to the others. I would enjoy the moment from now on, just like I promised myself a week ago. But this time, I would really do it.

Perspective Tara kom Trikru:

It's been a while since I was locked in herewith the butterflies. I knew that I could not escape this prison so I decidedto accept how it was, sat down on the ground, took the smallest brush andstarted to draw the outline of the butterflies around me, very roughly on thecanvas. I'd be a little busy with this for the next hours. Slowly, I began to make peace with the situation. I felt more and morelike a part of this room. It really wasn't such a bad place to be trapped in. I imagined the littleanimals on one of the meadows around Polis and drew that. Finally I wanted toadd the tower in the background but before I could do this, the paint wouldhave to dry. I closed my eyes again and imagined a bed. A nice big one like mine athome. 

As soon as I had opened my eyes again, there was a bed just like that, at the other corner of my room. So I left my painting on the floor and laid down. It was good to have a little break on a soft surface.

Maybe Clarke had been right, over all this time fighting wasn't what we do but instead it was what we are. Maybe my mind space and my death would be the only way to escape all of this and to finally find my peace. I was lying here, lost in my thoughts, thinking about my home, Madi and all the others we had left behind. Then I closed my eyes and thought back to that one moment in the second dawn bunker, how I had learned to dance together with Echo from Niylah a few months ago. How we had laughed and enjoyed the moment, even though we were worried about Clarke and the other two. The more I thought, the more tired I got and I fell into a dreamless sleep. 

                                                                                       

That's the next part. I would really love to hear what you think about it. I put a lot of work into it and it would mean a lot to me to know what I can improve for the future chapters and stories.