It's Time

The Confrontation

The warm water from the shower crashes down on my face, and I take this moment to think about everything that has happened, hoping, desperately yearning for the water to wash away every ounce of guilt that I feel. Colossal fear builds up in my body as I think about what I must face back home. The door to the shower opens and closes before I feel Spencer's body behind mine. I inhale his woodsy scent as he bends down, kissing the top of my head.  "Got room for one more?"  I chuckle as he gently rubs my shoulders, "well, you're already in here, aren't you?"

"I really have missed you, Olivia." I turn around to face him while the hot water now falls on my back. I lean my forehead against his chest, the slight rise and fall providing a calming effect. "I missed you so much, Spencer," I say, my lips grazing his bare skin. Although here in this shower we are completely naked, I don't notice this moment. I am not embarrassed; I do not have any fear. There is no timidness. I am just here with Spencer.

He looks down at me, capturing my gaze for a moment before asking, "what's going on in that brilliant mind of yours, Liv?" I let out a melancholy sigh. "We made a mess, Spence, a gigantic mess, and I don't want you to think that I regret this, but what do we do about LA?"  He lifts my chin, tenderly removing my wet curls now matted to my face from in front of my eyes. "We can do anything and everything together, Olivia. Just know that I'm by your side every step of the way."

Spencer kisses my cheek before moving down lower, kissing my neck. I push at his chest slightly to stop him. "We can't do this, Spence, not yet. I owe someone a conversation first." Disappointment flashes on his face, but it's gone as quickly as it appears.

"I understand, Liv. This is one of the things I love most about you. You are intuitively, inherently, good. You see the good and strive to be the good." I turn back around before letting out a deep breath. "Spencer, do you think we're making a mistake?" He starts to massage my shoulders, and there is silence. There is an intense tightening in my chest as it suddenly becomes hard to breathe. My body stiffens, petrified for a moment that he thinks this was a massive mistake. Would he tell me, did he think this was a mistake? 

"The only mistake was me leaving you. I should have fought harder for you, for us. I wanted to come running back every day. Then, I finally saw you sharing your photography again; that's the one thing that pushed me through. I convinced myself it was the right decision." I lift my hands to meet Spencer's, now gently resting on my shoulders. "Spence, you're right. I did start taking photos again when you left. I realized I could create without you, but I don't want to. We always wanted to achieve everything together, and we'll do that this time. We have a second chance."

"We have forever," he says, and I laugh a little. "You told me this once before, remember?" He leans down, kissing my shoulder "well, this is forever times two."

After the shower, I asked Spencer if we could just lay and watch a movie. I welcome all distractions as I still am not ready to face Cameron. My head rests on Spencer's lap as I trace my hand up and down his thigh. Spencer's voice interrupts my thoughts, "are you sure you don't want to listen to it?" It doesn't really matter what that voicemail says; it doesn't change anything. It doesn't change the pain that I've caused Cameron nor the anger I'm sure he feels towards me, and it doesn't change the fact that I will have to talk to him sooner, rather than later. "Not really," I respond.

We sit in the silence for a while longer before Spencer intercepts the quiet. "What is it? Talk to me." I just— I'd rather stay here. I know it's irresponsible, and I know that I can't do it. "I don't know, Spence; I can't go back there. I can't face what I've done."

"You don't have to do it alone. I'll be right by your side every step of the way. I'm never leaving again." I slowly lift my head from his lap before looking at him. I warmly kiss his lips, extending this tender moment we are experiencing—everything changes when we leave here.