It's Time

I Promise

"Ma, you sure about this? You're supposed to be relaxing, and watching a four-year-old ain't easy." Spencer asks his mom with genuine concern.

"Spencer James. I've already raised two rambunctious boys; this little man has nothing on me." She laughs, and he joins her.

He's so happy to have her here, and seeing them together makes my heart smile. I didn't get much sleep last night because I couldn't help but think about my conversation with Spencer. He forced me to look deeply at a lot of the decisions I've made since we've gotten back together. My finger seems to be constantly hovering over the button that could detonate everything we've worked for, and we'll never survive like that. More importantly, I'll never survive like that.

Spencer walks over to the kitchen island where I'm comfortably seated, giving me a quick peck on the cheek. "Babe." My voice is timid.

"Yea, what's up?" He answers absentmindedly as he fumbles in the refrigerator. When I don't immediately answer, he turns in my direction. My face must tell him everything he needs to know because he promptly makes his way back toward me, grabbing the empty seat next to me.

"What's going on, Liv? Talk to me." He grips my thigh.

I quickly glance over at his mom. It's not that I'm trying to hide things from her, but Spencer and I are really vulnerable right now, especially after our conversation last night. I'm just not ready to subject our current struggles to outside opinions.

He tugs at my hand, gently pulling me off the kitchen stool, and leads me to our room. I close the door behind us and take a seat at the foot of the bed. "Spence, you asked me to be honest about this Jace situation, and now I need that same honesty from you. I can't help but feel as though you're still placating me, and it's not your job to keep making concessions."

Spencer begins to pace back and forth, and my heart sinks. I knew there was a reason I couldn't shake this feeling. He finally stops and takes a seat next to me on the bed, albeit with more distance between us than I'd like.

"Liv. What I'm about to say is going to sound harsh, and I've tried so hard to figure out another way to say it. The reality is, no matter how pleasant the delivery, the message is going to be the same. I need to know that I can tell you my true feelings on this situation without you pulling away from me."

I gulp and nod at him.

"No, Liv. I need to hear you say it." He begs with his eyes.

"I won't punish you for your honesty, Spence. I promise." I reach out and squeeze his hand.

"I don't trust Julia, and I don't trust you when it comes to this situation with Jace."

I begin to interject.

"SOS, Liv. I need to finish, please." His voice is soft, and if I didn't know any better, I'd say he's a little... scared.

"Okay." I concede.

"Julia is fickle, to say the least, and it's to be suspected because she's a confused teenager. As much as you may not want to admit it, you are extremely fragile right now, and I don't trust that you're thinking clearly. I'm not dismissing the gut feeling you have, but Liv, your gut told you to leave Cameron to be with me, and then when the reality of it all set in, you wanted to run. I'm not bringing this up to crucify you for that decision. I understand what it's like to be scared. However, we can't play games with this little boy's life. I think that maybe you should see someone and take some time to focus on yourself. I thought that if I was patient and supportive enough, I could see you through this instability. You were right last night, Liv. Your emotional stability can't be my fight; it has to be yours." He lets out a breath that it seems like he's been holding since he began this line of thought.