It's Time

Everything

The angst I feel as I wait, listening to the phone ring, compounded with the worst headache I've ever experienced, makes this moment completely unbearable. My breathing quickens with each moment that passes without someone answering on the other end of the line. The ringing finally stops, "Olivia, honey?" I do not immediately respond as I'm unsure I have the words.

I take a deep breath clutching onto my necklace, wishing for the strength to navigate all of this turmoil. "Mom, I messed up. Everything is a disaster, and it's... it's all my fault," I sob.

I welcome the prolonged silence as I anticipated an authentic Laura Baker lecture. The lack of yelling is a pleasant surprise. "OLIVIA BAKER, WE WERE WORRIED SICK! WHERE ARE YOU?" Ah, this is more like it. My mother is not prepared to hear this story, and I certainly am uninterested in sharing it right now. I don't need her to reinforce what I already know; this is pure chaos. Right now, I just need her to be my mom.

"I'm at my, uh, I mean Cameron's house," I fumble with my words as it still feels weird to say. "I promise I will explain everything, but I really need you right now, mom." The tears begin to stain my cheeks as I am overcome by the emotions I've had bottled up since I walked into this house a few short hours ago.

Trying to contain those emotions led to me blowing up on Spencer when, despite his unfortunate timing, I know he was just trying to help. He isn't answering my calls or texts, and I'm fighting with myself not to assume the worst. I just got him back.

I was so overwhelmed when I saw him that being with him seemed like the only logical choice, but he hurt me more than anybody ever has in my entire life. The memories of the day he left me the first time play tirelessly in my mind, and I begin to wonder if I can actually do this, could I really forgive him and move on? Will I ever truly be able to let the past go?

My mom yelling my name alerts me to her continued presence on the phone. "Sorry, mom, it's been an excruciatingly long day, and I, I just need a moment," my tone emphasizes my drained demeanor.

"Of course, sweetie. I'll be there in 10 minutes, and this time, you better be where I expect you to be." She lets out a slight laugh, but I don't respond. It is way too soon for jokes.

I glance back at the things that Cameron packed, fully receiving his ever so polite eviction notice. I then grab the picture of Cameron and me from the nightstand. Those two people... they were so happy. I could have had an amazing life with Cameron. He is good—great even. In a perfect world, I wouldn't love Spencer as much as I do. Leaving, the way he did, should have been the end of Spencer and Olivia. Instead, all it takes is him breathing in my direction one time, and I upend my entire life. Nothing else matters, just him.

There's a faint knock on the door, and I head down the stairs prepared but still anxious to see my mom. I know she'll want an explanation, and while she may give me space right now, that won't last forever. I open up the door and immediately fall into her arms. Something about my mom's presence lends me permission to break down completely. She runs her fingers through my hair before gently rubbing my back. I don't need her wise words; the comfort I feel in her arms is more than enough.

"I have to finish getting my things out of this house before the end of the night, and I desperately need this to be done before Cameron returns." My mom looks at me, worry plastered on her face.

"Oh, Olivia, I know you didn't leave alone, so why are you doing this alone? Where is Spencer?"

The sound of his name feels like a ton of bricks on my shoulders, and the disdain in my mother's voice causes my headache to return full force. She has always adored Spencer, but I would be silly to believe that she wasn't frustrated by the unexpected turn of events.

My mom was at our apartment every day for the first two weeks after Spencer left, watching as I just cried. I still remember her smile the day I finally got out of bed. She was so proud; you would think I had just taken my first steps—she literally cheered me on. I know she would never understand my decision; I'm not even sure I understand my decision.

"I know what you're thinking, mom, but I ran him off. I said some hurtful things, and while there were hues of honesty in my words, I still shouldn't have said them." I made my choice, and that choice is Spencer. If we're going to have a real chance, I have to be willing to forgive him.

"Are you sure about this, sweetheart?  You and Spencer were doing just fine without each other."

Oh, how I wish that were true. The reality is, I lied to myself and everyone else for so long that I seemed fine. I was surviving, but I wasn't living. If I was, I could have genuinely embraced Cameron. If I were truthfully fine, there would have been no door for Spencer to walk back in through. I tried to block out the image of his face when I would fall asleep. I wished so, so badly for the will to just move on with my life. I wanted to hate him, and when that didn't work, I settled on loving him from a distance.

"I love him, mom. There isn't a day that has gone by since I was 17 years old that I haven't been in love with Spencer James." My face lights up as I feel the flutters in my stomach, a result of admitting my feelings out loud for the first time. This feeling is all too familiar, and I've only ever had it with Spencer—butterflies. I need to find Spencer.

"There's my Liv. I've missed that smile." My mom kisses the top of my head before squeezing both of my hands in her own. "If he's responsible for that smile, that is all the explanation I need, honey." I'm grateful for her lack of inquisition. She's allowing me to love Spencer unapologetically.

"Mom, as much as I wish we could have girl time forever, I really need you to help me pack." This entirely organic mother-daughter moment causes us both to let out a pained laugh as the magnitude of its beauty and the depth of the tragedy that sparked the moment are not lost on us.

I begin to close the front door as I notice a black Escalade pulling up in the driveway. My heart speeds up as I see him step out of the car. Spencer. I take off running, jumping into his arms and wrapping my legs around his waist. He catches me, squeezing so tight as I place kisses all over him. I remove my arms from around his neck and cup his face in my hands, commanding his undivided attention. "I am so sorry, Spencer. You make everything better. Every breath I take with you is so refreshing. You are everything, Spencer James. You're everything I think about, everything I feel. You are the most magnificent part of me. I love you, and I don't want to waste another minute trying to hide it or trying to deny it. I am completely in love with you."

He stares at me, his expression unreadable. "Stop talking and kiss me, Olivia Baker." Our lips collide, and it is magic. The feeling as his tongue dances with mine is indescribable. It's like we're breathing new life into one another—into us. This is home; he is my home.

Spencer places me back down, kissing my forehead. "I wouldn't want anything else than to be madly in love with you, Liv."

"You know, I came here to tell you that I wasn't going to run but that you had to make a choice," he chuckles. "Then you attacked me, and I had no words."

I playfully slap his arm, "attacked, is that what we're calling it?" I see his smile, the boyish grin that sets my world on fire.

"We have a house to pack, don't we, Liv" his voice is full of sarcasm as he ignores my rebuttal.

He reaches in the truck before reemerging with a drink carrier. "Double-shot on ice with oat milk," he says as he hands me the first cup. Two more cups remain, and I can't help but wonder the mystery behind why he has three drinks. Spencer notices my lingering gaze on the two beverages prompting him to answer my unspoken question. "Iced chai for Ms. Laura," he winks at me. How did he? My mind begins to spin before he interrupts my thoughts. "Knowing you is the most natural thing I've ever done, Olivia Baker." I raise on my tiptoes and kiss his cheek before he follows me inside as we prepare to say goodbye to my past and hello to our future.