Time Is Nothing (John Frusciante)

Chapter 39

Beeping. Muffled voices. Whispering.

Such distant and confusing sounds all around her. Cecilia wanted to open her eyes and see what this was about, but she couldn't. Her eyes were so heavy and the whole of her body ached in a way she had never experienced before. She wanted to move her arms and move her legs, but it seemed to take so much effort that it was easier to just keep on floating in this haze she seemed to be in. The sounds soon faded away little by little, and off Cecilia drifted into a deep sleep.

It took hours until she finally came along, reluctantly opening her eyes and observing her surroundings in confusion. The lights were so bright that it took her a few good seconds until she was able to identify the chalk white walls and blue floors as foreign to her, realizing that the place she was currently in was definitely not home. And as soon as her eyes wondered onto the bed she was laying in and she noticed the IV and other tubes and wires attached to her, she immediately froze in her place and performed a frantic attempt to release herself from them.

"No, no, no! It's okay, it's okay," Cecilia then suddenly realized that she wasn't alone in the room and saw Jessica running towards her, trying her best to stop Cecilia from ruining the medical equipment.

"What is this? Why am I here?" Cecilia almost cried, realizing that she must be in a hospital.

"Calm down, honey. Alright? Everything is okay. Just calm down," Jessica tried her best to ease Cecilia's anxiousness, but to no avail.

"What happened? Where's John? Is John okay?" she only cried out, afraid that something might have happened to the both of them.

"John is okay. He's fine and at home, don't worry," Jessica shushed her once again.

"But why am I here then?" she questioned, still anxious, but already calming down little by little.

"How about we get you the doctor, okay?" Jessica cautiously proposed, "He will tell you everything necessary."

"Yeah, but.. I don't.. I don't understand," Cecilia then only worded, her voice drifting off as she watched Jessica apologetically smile and exit the room.

In only a few seconds she was back with an older gentleman, who arrived together with Cecilia's mother.

"Mom?" she questioned in surprise as soon as she noticed her.

"Hi, honey," Grace calmly worded, "How are you feeling?"

"Like I've been hit by a bus," Cecilia bluntly retorted, annoyed by the fact that nobody was giving her any information regarding the situation, "Now, please. What is going on? Why am I here?"

"Mrs. Frusciante," the doctor turned after he had taken a look at both Jessica and Cecilia's mom, "I'm really sorry to tell you this, but you have suffered a miscarriage."

"What?" Cecilia breathed in shock, suddenly feeling like all blood had disappeared from her body.

"Were you aware that you were pregnant?" the doctor continued.

"I..," Cecilia only managed to mumble, still in absolute disbelief.

"No," she then shook her head and stared at her feet.

"You were very lucky that your husband managed to call 911 when he did. Otherwise you might have just bled to death."

Cecilia didn't say a word. She was in shock, utterly confused by what the doctor had just told her. She felt a wave of emotions, but couldn't really process a single one of them. How could she not have realized that she was pregnant? How could she not have understood that there was something happening to her body?